Message ID: 361b856faca6e8bc42e4eb486bce8377@news.meganetnews.com
Three years ago, my 35-year-old son, "Gary," split up with his girlfriend and got custody of their dog -- a 2-year-old, 85-pound Labrador retriever named Blondie. His new apartment had a "no pets" policy, so I agreed to take Blondie. She is a wonderful dog and I love her dearly. Now history is about to repeat itself: After several moves, Gary is relocating and wants me to adopt his new dog -- a pit bull he calls Priscilla. I refused because I don't want the responsibility of another animal. Gary says I'm selfish, uncooperative and disloyal. I suggested that he find Priscilla a new home, but he keeps pressuring me to take her. Each time I refuse, it exacerbates the situation and is affecting our relationship.
Gary recently came up with a plan that just about broke my heart. He wants me to send Blondie to an animal shelter and keep Priscilla! My response to that was, "Absolutely not!"
Abby, am I selfish, uncooperative and disloyal?
-- BLONDIE'S FRIEND IN NEW JERSEY
You are none of the above. You are a caring mother who has helped out her son once and knows her limitations. Your son is showing his immaturity by attempting to guilt you into taking the responsibility for Priscilla off his shoulders. Tell him that at 35, it's time to act like a man and contact a pit bull rescue group that will find her the home she deserves.
Somewhere along the line the "Fruit of your Looms" picked up the notion that pets are "disposable". Gawds know where he got that from. Yes, you did a wonderful thing taking in Blondie, may she give you many years of companionship. As it stands now, it will probably be a lot more rewarding than the relationship you have with that ugly wart on a salamander's tongue, your progeny. Some may see you as a "Caring Mother"; the reality is truly somewhat different - for whatever reason you had you never taught your son the one lesson he needed the most - responsibility. You smothered him as a child, and now as an adult he can't stand on his own. I see your fear your refusal to assume his responsibilites is affecting your relationship. I really have to ask you "what relationship?" The only relationship I see here is that of a leech to a host. Hardly something I would consider worthwhile.
It is often said to those of us who have never spawned "Who will visit you when you are old?" To answer that I look at your son, and ask "Would you want that to visit you when you are old and vulnerable?" To be honest, I wouldn't if I were in too fragile a state to count the spoons when he left. Upon considering your son's treatment of faithful animals, Abby has some advice for your health and wellbeing: Designate someone else POA should you become incapacitated, because if you entrust yourself to the obvious tender mercies of this slug you are likely to find yourself abandoned by the side of the road in the later stages of Alzheimer's with nothing but a filthy terry cloth bathrobe to your name. Face it, Buttercup - in his eyes you, too, are disposible, should you become "too much trouble".
Plan for your Old Age, Blondie's Bud, and for Blondie too, and don't expect anything from the chump you birthed. Change the locks, and your phone number, and get out while the getting is good.
Childfree Abby - forwardly looking.