Message ID: 60db9b3ae26b35904fcde25306528ca6@news.meganetnews.com
When I was a young teenager, I was sexually molested by my stepfather. My family found out, but both my mother and my stepfather swept it under the rug. There was nothing I could do, so I moved on with my life, even though I felt abandoned and betrayed. I went through counseling and learned to forgive them, but the problem is, they still blame me for the whole mess.
A few years ago, my parents brought up the subject in a very ugly way, and accused me of seducing my stepfather and making up stories. We had a huge argument, and since then, I am no longer welcome in my mother's house because my stepfather is "uncomfortable" in my presence. This is causing me tremendous grief. I am tired of having lunches at restaurants and holidays apart, and my mother apparently is too weak to make a stand.
I want to be able to spend time with my mother. My whole family suffers because of this, and no one knows what to do. We are all pretty close and live in the same town. Do you have any words of wisdom?
-- A Lonely Daughter
How shameful that your mother has chosen to side with the man who abused her child and has allowed him to limit your time together.
You cannot give your mother a backbone, unfortunately, and without it, you are not likely to make any progress. Continue to visit during those "lunches at restaurants," and keep hoping that one day, she will see the light.
There are a certain number of women out there who define themselves by their ability to have something with a dick in their lives. Some of these women aren't terribly particular about what said dick is attached to, and close their eyes totally to the horrendous acts by that useless flap of skin on the end of that dick, just so they can say they have a "mayynnnn". When one reads of horrible sexual, and physical abuse and murder of children, the perpetrator is very often Mom's new guy.
Sorry to say, your mother is one of them.
Your mother has made her choice, and she would rather have that scumbag in her home and life than you. If no one in your family will take your side, you are not that close. You are seeking that moment of vindication that will may never come. In order for that to happen, your mother must admit to herself that by closing her eyes to the activity of the predator she married, she is just as great a monster as he is, and in many ways, more so, because she sacrificed her child so that she might have something with a dick in her life. So, instead, she has transferred the guilt to you.
This relationship is bringing you nothing except grief. Your mother made her choice, now you make yours. Close the door and move on.
Childfree Abby.