Message ID: bh8dgd$uv9tu$1@ID-202214.news.uni-berlin.de
My husband and I have two children. We recently received a wedding invitation from friends, and the RSVP card said "adults only, please."
It burns me that they want to invite the grown-ups but not their children. We don't have anyone to watch our kids, which means we either stay home or only one of us attends. Is this considered OK, or is it just plain rude?
-- Guests with Children
We are constantly amazed by people who think their children should be welcome everywhere, regardless of the hosts' wishes.
Here it is, folks: The hosts get to decide whom they want, and don't want, at the wedding. No one should bring children to any event unless they are specifically invited. The bridal couple is not responsible for your inability to find a baby sitter. They issued an invitation. Whether or not to attend is up to you.
While I agree with my counterpart above, there is another thing I am constantly amazed by: the complete and utter inability of parents to understand "get a sitter" as a viable option. A wedding is planned months in advance and invitations are sent out accordingly. With that much lead time, how can you *not* be able to find a sitter?
What you, and many other parents do not seem to be able to comprehend is that not everyone is enamoured by your children, and not everyone wishes their presence on all occasions. Furthermore, hosts, in this case, the Bridal couple, are under no obligation whatsoever to invite or otherwise cater to the needs of children and those with children. It is highly likely that this couple have seen ceremonies ruined by squalling children and their oblivious parents. Or they have no desire to deal with whining bored children at an event that is very important to them. They may be on a limited budget and do not desire to pay full price for an expensive meal (caterers charge by the plate, you know, not by the age of the person who gets it) geared to an adult palate for a child who does not appreciate anything beyond a "McHappy Meal". Their reasons might be all of the above, they might be none of the above, whatever their reasons might be for not inviting children it is *their choice*. It behooves you, as a guest, to respect that in anyway you choose: finding a sitter or not attending.
Please show some good manners by *not* whinging to the couple that "Brattney and Snottison will be so disappointed not to be there" or resorting to blackmail "if the kids can't come then we won't either." It is highly likely that B&S will not even care, attempts at blackmail will be received with "we will miss you".
Childfree Abby