Childfree Abby - How can I make him support this baby?

31 August 2003

Message ID: bisva1$c4rjj$1@ID-202214.news.uni-berlin.de

DEAR ABBY: I am 23, enjoy a good job working for two lawyers, and plan to go back to school. I am also four months pregnant with "Kevin's" baby. In the beginning, he promised he'd support me and the baby and help us every step of the way. Kevin even promised my mother he'd finally get a job. Well, I constantly have to remind Kevin about the promises he made. He finally admitted that he doesn't want to work -- period. He plans to take side jobs here and there and make money under the table, and says I shouldn't expect to change him. I asked him the other day why he promised he'd help me in the first place. His reply, "You put me on the spot."

With this baby on the way, I need to set goals and move forward. Is there anything I can do to make Kevin understand that he HAS to get a real job? Or should I accept that I'll be playing the parenthood role solo?

-- MOM-TO-BE IN PHOENIX

DEAR MOM-TO-BE:

It is clear from your letter that unless he is compelled by law, Kevin is going to flake out on his responsibilities, and he will be a poor role model for your baby. You are working for two lawyers. I urge you to discuss with them your options for convincing Kevin to act like a man. They are familiar with Arizona law, and I'm sure they'll be happy to help.

Dear Mom-to-be

Why oh why do women choose to breed with slugs? They pick some loser with no ambition, or sense of responsibility and figure "Let's have a baby with this guy" then wonder why he doesn't automatically morph into the ideal father/breadwinner/husband. From what your letter has stated, "he even promised my Mother he would finally get a job" we can surmise that Kevin's attitude towards jobs and working in general should not have come as any earthshaking revelation. You knew it *before* you got pregnant, and deliberately chose to ignore it. It is a vast understatement to say that this wasn't the smartest move in the world.

Fact is, you can't change Kevin. He stated as much. Yes, you can discuss it with the lawyers, and they can, probably, if you spring for DNA testing, get a judgement against Kevin for child support. However, there is a world of difference between getting a judgement and enforcing it. It is a simple fact that "You can't get what there ain't". Unless Kevin gets a steady job - which he is not inclined to do - there won't be any child support. You will have to devote hours and years of time and energy chasing him down to enforce it and more often than not come up dry. Or have it enforced for a week or so before he vanishes to his next gig and you have to begin the process all over again.

So, in answer to your question which you, no doubt are already aware - get ready for one of three options: abortion, adoption, or single parenthood. Your choice.

ChildFree Abby