Message ID: bjkeik$k5lmv$1@ID-202214.news.uni-berlin.de
My son and his wife (a stay-at-home wife, not mother), both 31, have been talking about having children. What he doesn't realize is, she keeps coming up with excuses for avoiding sex around the time they might become pregnant. She does occasionally take back medication (legitimately) and uses that as a valid excuse. She also comes up with other excuses. But she told my daughter she really doesn't want to have a child because it would infringe on her comfortable lifestyle.
My question to you is, does my son have a right to know this? In other words, do I have a right to tell him? He is talking about consulting a fertility specialist because he thinks something may be wrong.
-- Dottie
Something is wrong, but it's nothing a fertility specialist can fix. Your son appears to have a case of "meddling mom." Please do not interfere with this couple as they try to tackle these sensitive issues. Your son does have a right to know the truth, of course, but you don't have the right to tell him -- not based on secondhand anecdotes.
Even if everything you accuse your daughter-in-law of is true, at 31 your son is old enough to connect the dots, even if it takes him a little longer than it has taken you.
I really have to ask you, are you camped out in their bedroom with a Basel thermometer and a calendar? How do you know any of this? A mother in law who displayed such an interest in the timing of the intimate relations with Mr. Abby, would have my interest in sex circling the drain too.
Let me clue you in on a few things, Dottie my dear:
1. They are talking about having children - it doesn't mean they are going to have children, only that the topic is up for discussion, the outcome isn't cast in stone and it isn't your business.
2. One of the party may not be interested in having children but *it isn't your business*. It is their issue, and they must deal with it.
3. I wonder just where you are getting your information about something that *isn't your business*. If the source is your son, if I were your daughter in law - which thankfully, I am not - and if I were considering having children - which I certainly am not - I would certainly be putting the binders on breeding with someone who can't keep his mouth shut about his intimacy with me to his mother.
Is there a theme here?
Read very carefully - IT ISN'T YOUR BUSINESS.
The one thing you do know is that your Daughter in Law has a back problem. Do you have any idea just how a pregnancy and childcare can compound that? Depending on the problem, the pregnancy could mean, at very least, months of agony, or, could disable her permanently. But, hey, that doesn't enter into your radar, does it?
Gotta hava grandkid, no matter who gets hurt in the process. I think you should get another hobby, seriously. You are making yourself look like the classic meddling Mother in Law who can't let go of her son. Let it go, you are becoming a stereotype.
Childfree Abby
The ChildFree Abby Archives - http://www.dismal-light.net/childfreeabby/