Childfree Abby - And The Song Remains The Same

20 September 2003

Message ID: bkhima$17r0h$1@ID-202214.news.uni-berlin.de

DEAR ABBY:

My boyfriend, "Mickey," and I had a baby two months ago. Mickey made it clear from the beginning that he didn't feel ready to be a father. While I was pregnant, he seemed to be excited about the birth of our child. However, since our daughter arrived, Mickey calls her names, avoids holding her, and yells at her to "shut up."

I don't know what to do. I've tried talking to him about his behavior and have even offered to go to parenting class with him, but he refuses. He says he's already a parent and doesn't need "classes." As a last resort, I told him that if he continues to yell at her, I'm packing up and he'll never see us again.

Mickey's father was very abusive, and I'm afraid that history will repeat itself.

Please help.

-- SINGLE MOM IN LINCOLN, NEB.

DEAR SINGLE MOM:

You are right to be concerned about your baby's welfare. Your boyfriend knows nothing about child development and has no interest in learning.

Consult a lawyer regarding child support and get out NOW.

It is significant that your boyfriend is the son of an abusive parent. Mickey is already a verbal abuser; please don't wait until it becomes physical.

Dear Single Moron

Clue me in, please.

I really have to know what (if anything) the hell passes through what goes through the mind of a woman who makes the choice to breed with a man who:

  1. doesn't want to be a parent.
  2. comes from a history of being abused, and therefore is likely to be an abuser himself.

These things were self evident. Did you think the parenting fairy would wave her magic wand and turn him into Ward Cleaver upon the birth of your child? Give your head a shake. Even if he did go, not all the parenting classes in the world are going to change this dude - because he didn't want the kid in the first place.

Is/was that so hard to understand before you chose to breed?

Given the above two items, it should not come as any shock that Mickey isn't ever going to be loving parent material, and you would be doing all of you a favour if you just packed it in and left. Forget about child support, because it's likely you won't get any out of him, and if you do, it will just give an abuser continued access to your life.

Basically, there is no hope for you, and no hope for this relationship, and little hope for that child with you as a parent. I recommend that:

  1. you get out of this relationship before Mickey commits a post natal abortion.
  2. you pursue sterilization since you have proven your complete inability to breed judiciously.
  3. you put the child up for adoption in the hope that she will be raised by responsible adults beyond a level of grinding poverty.
  4. you hope that - if nothing else - what you have done serves as an bad example and keeps some one else from making the same mistake that you have.

Childfree Abby - disgusted
The ChildFree Abby Archives - http://www.dismal-light.net/childfreeabby/