Message ID: bmgm3k$m91q9$1@ID-202214.news.uni-berlin.de
My mother-in-law is nasty to me and treats me worse as time goes on. Because of this, I've decided to not go to her home anymore. My husband completely understands. However, when he takes our young son to see grandma, he gets upset because I'm not with them. He's too little to understand my feelings.I don't want to keep him from her -- she is nice to him. Any suggestions?
-- Enough
Dear Enough:
For now, I think you should just cheerfully tell your son that while he's away, you're going to be busy and have to "run errands." Make sure he knows that you think he's lucky to get to see grandma and that you want to hear all about his visit when he gets back.
The promise of a tiny treat when he returns might be enough to get him out the door.
Amy Dickinson
published Oct 14, 2003
Really now, your problems are a bit more than JR getting upset when you don't go to see Grandma.
In short, your husband who, apparently "completely understands" has the backbone of a jelly fish and has taken the easy way out: instead of siding with you and insisting that your Mother in law treat you with respect and courtesy, he has chosen to let the whole thing slide. In doing so, he has handed your Mother in Law her first of many victories and displayed a fundamental lack of loyalty to you and your marriage. This is the first spidery thin crack that give you serious trouble in your marriage. The marriages that have been destroyed because of M in Laws number in legion, and you (meaning you AND your husband) had better present a united front in this matter before this escalates.
If your Mother in Law wants a relationship with her grandchild, she first must have a relationship with you. It doesn't have to be a terribly warm one, but it should at least be polite. It is not that much to ask, and it's certainly not insurmountable. Your husband must back you on this because you are his wife, and if he doesn't, I'd have some serious questions as to why.
Childfree Abby
The ChildFree Abby Archives - http://www.dismal-light.net/childfreeabby/