Message ID: bmv0vs$ro7vm$1@ID-202214.news.uni-berlin.de
Does a parent have the right to literally slap you in the face? I am in my 40s, and for the past year, when my mom doesn't agree with my opinion, she will slap me in the face.
My family is aware of what's happening, but others are afraid to step in for fear of what she'll do to them. Mom was a bully as a child, and because I am not an aggressive person, she has always intimidated me. When I try to stand up for myself, she laughs and humiliates me.
My mother's attacks are destroying me. I don't know how to handle them. I haven't confided in anyone because I am so ashamed.
Do I have the right to defend myself against my mother?
-- Tired Of Being Slapped
Dear Tired:
Yes, you do, but not physically. Not only is your mother violent, but she is also emotionally sadistic. Since this is new behavior, her doctor needs to be alerted so she can be evaluated. Professional counseling can help you gain the strength you need to end her emotional domination. It appears to be long overdue.
It's also important that your family not be subjected to more of this for fear they will think your mother's behavior is normal. You -- and they -- have a right to be respected.
I have to ask you a couple of questions:
What would you do if a total stranger disagreed with your opinion and slapped you? Or better, what do you think would happen if your mother slapped a total stranger with whom she disagreed?
Most people in that situation would scream bloody murder, call the police and press charges.
Ok, given that those are the likely responses, why do you think that your mother should be exempt from this because you are the victim?
Simple - she shouldn't be, and she wouldn't be if she had chosen any other victim but you.
You are not a child, this is not a swat on the butt to keep you from running out into traffic. You are an ADULT and this is ASSAULT. And it is illegal.
Why does your mother do this? Because she is a bully and no one has ever stood up to her. Contrary to what my esteemed counterpart says - this is not new behavior for your mother, she has simply upped the ante.
Does your mother have a condition for which she requires counselling? Probably. However, she, like most abusers, doesn't think she has a problem. First you have to get her attention. How? Take the steps above - press charges, get a restraining order. You will find it difficult, but in the end, oh so liberating.
Don't want to be that extreme? Well, at very least, close the door, never speak or see her again, if the rest of your family chooses to allow your mother to abuse them, it's their call. Save yourself.
Oh, one other thing, as the person who "rocked the boat" you run a very good risk of being ostracized by your family. However, if they won't stick up and stick by you - not much of a loss.
Reclaim your Life.
Childfree Abby
The ChildFree Abby Archives - http://www.dismal-light.net/childfreeabby/