Message ID: bndmor$10guff$1@ID-202214.news.uni-berlin.de
Have child with boyfriend, he has another child with former wife. He manages to see first child every day. He can only see our child for a mere five hours every Sunday. Should I be upset? I am! He is at his ex-wife's every single night and claims he is there for the child only. I don't believe it. He gets home from putting her to bed at 9:30 at 11 or later even. I don't know what to do. He says he wants a relationship with me but how can he if he can only find time one day a week? I'm in so much pain I can't even explain it.
-- Lost State of Mind
You can deal with it, though, right? Step 1, accepting he's gone (which sounds like a good thing). Step 2, reminding him he has two kids, not one. Step 3, asking him to spend more time with your kid. Step 4, accepting he won't and setting up a life that is stable and loving and includes Daddy for a mere five hours on Sunday. You've earned the anger, but it's not getting you anywhere.
Carolyn Hax
Face it Lost, to say that your boyfriend has "unresolved issues" with his ex is quite possibly the understatement of the year. This should have been exceedingly plain when you started this relationship. I don't know what you were thinking when you chose to get pregnant - I wager that you thought that if you had a child too you could compete with his ex, you may even have thought that you could win. The fact is that in his eyes he is still married to his former wife and you are a live-in booty call. Its obvious by now the only thing he wants from you is sex and someone to clean the house. And he doesn't give a ragged rat's rectum about your child.
Sorry, Sunshine, but them's the facts. His words don't mean anything. His actions, however, speak volumes. You don't play second fiddle here - you aren't even in the band. Its time to cut your losses and move on.
Childfree Abby
The ChildFree Abby Archives - http://www.dismal-light.net/childfreeabby/