Message ID: bnh17k$11e7g2$1@ID-202214.news.uni-berlin.de
I need advice. I am a woman in my mid-30s, married more than 10 years, and the mother of two children. My husband, "Howard," is a good father and has an important job with a six-figure income. I don't have to work. I buy whatever I want and Howard doesn't mind.
My problem is, I don't think I'm in love with Howard. He has an extremely low sex drive. We haven't been intimate in years. In fact, out of frustration, I moved out of the bedroom last year. I have tried talking to him about our problem to no avail. He refuses to go to counseling.
To complicate matters, three years ago I began an affair with a married man. Although he and his wife have children, they are divorcing. We want to be together, but I don't know if I can leave Howard. My lover earns less than half of what Howard makes, plus he will have to pay child support. I don't know if I can manage on his salary. Please understand, I don't work because I don't want to put my kids in day care.
As I see it, I have three choices:
(1) Continue the affair and hope nobody finds out.
(2) Leave Howard and hope my lover and I can make it on his small salary.
(3) End the affair.
If we end the affair, I think one of us would have to move. We live in a small town and travel in the same social circles. This whole thing is driving me crazy. What should I do?
-- FRUSTRATED IN FLORIDA
DEAR FRUSTRATED:
In a nutshell, it comes down to this: Which is more important to you -- sex or money? Both are powerful motivators, but only you can answer that question.
Abigail Van Buren
Fri Oct 24
Oh. Pul - leese. You have the morals of an alley cat, and you don't want to put your kids in daycare because you are such a good mother? Can't you come up with something more original than that? That is the largest load of fetid dingo's kidneys I've seen in recent history.
Now, it's not that your marriage is in the toilet - that happens. And it's not that people have affairs and find others they love - that happens too. But to use your children as an excuse because you are too damn lazy and privileged to find a job goes above and beyond.
You actually have a 4th option:
4) Leave your marriage, and leave the kids with Howard - if this is the example you set to your children, they are better off without you. End the affair with your lover because, while I have no idea what he is like, he surely doesn't deserve to hook up with a gold-digging harpy like you. You will make his life hell.
You will still have to get a job though, unless you find some other moron with a fat wallet.
Childfree Abby - contemptuously
The ChildFree Abby Archives - http://www.dismal-light.net/childfreeabby/