Message ID: bpdgua$1ni5j9$1@ID-202214.news.uni-berlin.de
I'm 15. My mom recently split up with her second husband. He was very controlling and abusive. Afterward, she promised me she would not get into any more relationships with men for a while. I was glad because I really need her attention right now -- and so do my younger sisters. (Our stepfather never allowed her to be alone with us.)
Our problem is, one month later mom broke her promise and started seeing another man. My sisters and I don't like him because he is an alcoholic, with no job, and he's making our mother more depressed than she was. When he gets drunk, he flips out and threatens suicide.
I don't think this is healthy for my mom, and it saddens me to see her in another messed-up relationship.
I have tried talking to her about this, but she gets mad and says I don't want her to be happy. I just want what is best for her. Am I being selfish or are my feelings right? Can you please talk to her?
-- Marie In Washington
Dear Marie:
Sometimes the young people who write to me have a clearer vision of what's going on than the adults in their lives. You appear to be one of them.
You didn't mention whether your father is part of your lives, or if you have any aunts, uncles or grandparents to whom you can confide.
Your mother appears to be desperate for a man in her life. She is not thinking clearly, which is why she's not getting your important message. She needs to hear it from another adult, so bring this problem to the attention of a trusted relative, teacher, school nurse, clergy person or the parent of a friend. Please don't wait.
source:
Dear Abby
Jeanne Phillips
Mom's bad choices in men are cause for daughter's concern
Published November 16, 2003
Since Dear Abby isn't saying anything to you, I will.
You are one of those women who simply can't seem to define themselves without some man in their lives. From what I have seen, you are not terribly particular about your choices, as you seem to be picking the same type of abusive A$$hole over and over again.
Women like you disgust me to no end. You just can't function without some Dick with a dick in your life. And you will put up with any obscenity from him just to say you have a man in your life. Understand these three facts:
1. You will be abused by this man
2. you will likely be killed, if not by this man, then by some other down the road.
3. your daughters will be molested if it hasn't happened already, because jerks like this can spot you and your ilk at 100 paces. And to make matters worse, if Dick does molest your daughters, your sick little mind will twist it so you blame them, and not take responsibility for bringing a psychopath into the house.
While it is your right to fuck up your life in any way you choose, it is not your right to take your daughters down with you. Your only hope is to get rid of the asshole, NOW! He's threatening suicide? Not your problem. Hand him the suicide hotline number and get a restraining order. Do not, Do Not, DO NOT get involved with any man until you have figured out why you are attracted to these psychos, and put it into practice.
If you choose not to, get your daughters out of the house, get yourself sterilized, and continue on the path you have chosen for yourself. See you at the funeral.
Childfree Abby
PS - to Marie
If your mother does not clean up her act, I am truly sorry. Harsh as it may seem, your mother has made her choice, she would rather have these losers in her life than you and your sisters. They are more important to her than you, and there is no way to soften this blow. You must protect yourself, and your sisters. If you can't call on extended family - which is very probable since your mother is most likely the product of the environment in which she grew up - call CPS.
The ChildFree Abby Archives - http://www.dismal-light.net/childfreeabby/