Message ID: brfjra$2r8cf$1@ID-202214.news.uni-berlin.de
I am 20 years old, not married and have a beautiful baby boy who is 8 months old. I am proud of my decision to keep him, and I love him deeply. Even though having a child out of wedlock is no longer as socially unacceptable as it used to be, I still feel a small amount of shame and regret for the choices I made. I thought my son's father was the man I was going to marry. I still hope this will happen, but the situation with "Dominick" is not improving.
I love Dominick and want him in our lives. He is 21 and has trouble dealing with the reality of his new family. Our relationship has been off and on for about a year and a half. Right now, Dominick is dating someone else, but he wants me to wait for this relationship to end, so we can be together.
Dominick says he loves me, but if he breaks it off with his current girlfriend prematurely, he might regret it later. He insists that if they split up naturally, he will then be able to give his all to me. I think this is ridiculous. If he loves me and wants the family that he has started, he should have no doubts that he belongs with us.
I'm really beginning to resent Dominick and think he has ruined my life. Am I wrong for wanting out?
-- In Love and Hating It in Jacksonville, Fla.
Dear In Love:
Dominick has a pretty sweet deal going here, and although it took you some time to catch on, you get it now.
There are no guarantees that Dominick will marry you, and it is pointless to wait for him to shape up. Dominick should be paying child support and maintaining a regular presence in his son's life. See a lawyer, and get it in writing. Meanwhile, accept the reality that you are a single mother for the foreseeable future, and be determined to make the best of what life has given you. We think you'll do fine.
Understand this: if Dominick wanted to be with you, he would be with you. He is not, he is dating someone else. What does that say to you?
If he loves you and breaks up with his current girlfriend, what's to regret? He. Is. Supposed. To. Love You. He doesn't want to be with you, he doesn't want to be a father and he will marry you roughly about the same time some individual with cloven hooves and a pitchfork turns up at your door to let you know it all just froze over.
He is lying to you and lying to himself because deep down, he knows he's being an jerk, and doesn't have the testicular fortitude to admit it. Either that, or he's still boffing you on the side and wants to keep his booty call.
Only you have the answer to this.
That Dominick is a asshole is not in dispute, However, he did not ruin your life - you did. It was your choice to have this baby, and your choice to keep it. Women have the ultimate say of whether or not we want to be parents, you could have aborted, given up for adoption, or... novel concept, kept your legs closed in the first place. You can try to wring child support out of him, and may even be successful. But don't blame him for your bad choices.
Your choices, your responsibility.
Childfree Abby
The ChildFree Abby Archives - http://www.dismal-light.net/childfreeabby/