Message ID: bs4e9r$95pjs$1@ID-202214.news.uni-berlin.de
I have been dating a wonderful man for the last three months. We are completely in love, and he treats me like royalty. He even likes my kids. The problem? He recently told me he is a registered sex offender and was in prison for molesting his then 9-year-old daughter. This was over 15 years ago, and he has not been accused/caught/arrested again. The real dilemma for me is that I have seven children, ranging in age from a teenager to a toddler. I really love this man and want him in my life, but I fear I am putting my youngest in danger by allowing him in the house. I do not leave him alone with the children and have to date observed no inappropriate behaviors. I want to believe that this was a horrible incident in his past and no repeats will occur. I really want to trust this man. I think we could have a wonderful life together if given a chance, but at the same time, I fear I am sitting on a time bomb. Can it have been a onetime thing, or am I just being naive? Please help as I need to make a decision soon to avoid prolonging things if I decide to end it.
- Confused
Dear Con,
Prudie would like to be encouraging, but the odds are not good. Pedophilia is an aberrant sexual behavior where the possibility of a "cure" is statistically minuscule. The 15-year record is somewhat hopeful - if true - but that is counterbalanced by the presence of your kids.
The temptation has to be great. It is good that, so far, you have been able to never leave him alone with the children, but you cannot live a life that way. There is a slim possibility he orchestrated the romance in order to live with young children ... who but a saint would elect to take on a woman with seven kids? Your first step should be to discuss your fears openly. He was, after all, upfront about his past. This is a tough decision to make, but your best bet is to weigh your gut instinct with information about the disorder, as well as how this man talks about his illness. It's a gut-wrenching proposition to choose between offering someone a second chance and always looking over your shoulder. Good luck.
- Prudie, objectively
Your concept of "wonderful man" is totally different than any definition of which that I have been previously aware.
What colour is the sky in your world where "registered sex offender" equates with "wonderful man"? "Wonderful men" do not sexually abuse nine year old girls. "Wonderful men" do not commit incest.
Sunshine - are you so hungry for a dick in your life that you will - willingly, mind you - join the ranks of those pathetic specimens of the female gender who place their own children in the path of a predator? Oh, never mind, silly question, since after knowing him for only 3 months you "know" you can have a "wonderful life" together.
It is a known pattern that pedophiles cultivate women like you - single mothers - for the very purpose of getting access to their children, and the greater number of children, the easier the prey. Scare you? It should.
I wish to point out something to you - your very wording - "he has no been accused/caught/arrested again". This does not mean that he has stopped, only that he has not been caught. Furthermore, such things are very, very rarely "one time" offenses.
Rehabilitation for pedophilia really does not exist - the only thing they can do is teach them control, and that is a flimsy protection at best. Something else for you to think about - Recovering alcoholics do not make it a practice of hanging round in bars, the temptation is too great. 'Nuff said.
If you, knowing what you do, let this man in your life, you are sicker than he is.
Childfree Abby - clearly
The ChildFree Abby Archives - http://www.dismal-light.net/childfreeabby/