Message ID: bsjuch$cn1s1$1@ID-202214.news.uni-berlin.de
My daughter is not getting any younger (neither am I). She's been married for the past seven years and it is high time that she started to have children. She is our only child and I really want grandchildren. Whenever I bring up the topic she ignores me and changes the subject. Is there a way that I can seriously have a conversation about the importance of grandchildren without her acting as though it's the last thing she would ever want to do?
-- Marcy, Denver
Marcy:
The best thing you can do for your daughter and your family is to exercise patience and stay quiet on this topic. Badgering your daughter, no matter how well meaning your intention, will only serve to anger her and potentially help her to dig in her heels against the idea.
As much as you long for grandchildren, the decision to have a child is one that your daughter and her husband must make on their own. They are the ones who will be responsible for caring for the child and guiding his or her life. Have faith that if your daughter is meant to have children, she will. Many couples have children later in life, after they build their careers, and everything works out well. It could also be true that your daughter or her husband is unable to conceive. There are many reasons why people don't have children. Wait for her to tell you what's happening in her life.
Harriette Cole
"She's eager to become a grandmother"
Published December 26, 2003
Not to put too fine a point on it, but who died and made you Queen?
Sitting on your throne and issuing forth the royal proclamation "Thou shalt reproduce for my greater glory" will not endear you in the heart of your subj.. er daughter. The peasants have a way of rising, and you will find the relationship with your daughter guillotined.
If you are looking for your answer, you will find it in your own letter - "without her acting as though it's the last thing she would ever want to do?"
Your daughter doesn't want children. Period. Full stop.
There is nothing to argue here, the door is closed. This is not your choice to make, and she does not care to discuss it with you. And, given how you seem to think that you are entitled to grand children, I really can't blame her. However, that is her option, and - understand this - your daughter is in no way, shape or form obligated to have grandchildren for you.
At this point in time, you have a daughter who will talk to you, if you keep on hounding her, I guarantee that you won't.
My suggestion? Suck it up, get a hobby. Volunteer at the "Y", do something, but get off your daughter's back. Stop concentrating on what you don't have, and focus on what you do.
Childfree Abby - Royally
The ChildFree Abby Archives - http://www.dismal-light.net/childfreeabby/