Message ID: bt98it$4g0up$1@ID-202214.news.uni-berlin.de
My husband and I have been together for 10 years now and have five beautiful kids, ages 6 months through 8 years old.
Can you give me some pointers on what to do with the little time and little privacy we have?
Locking the door and looking into each other's eyes doesn't work anymore.
-- Heather
Dear Heather:
Are you asking me how to have sex with your husband? Seems to me you already know that, my dear.
I called my friend Helen (mother of six!) and read your letter to her. She suggests that getting out of the house -- even for a short time -- is the charm.
Then she told me an anecdote involving her, her beloved husband and the family mini-van that I'd rather not repeat.
What do you mean that locking the door and looking into each other's eyes doesn't do "it" any more? For you, or for him?
First, there is exhaustion - and you have set yourself up for that one; don't expect it to go away anytime in the next 15 years or so. You can stare into each other's eyes until the cows come home, but if you are asleep at the wheel nothing is going to happen. There is also the fact that trying to squeeze in an intimate moment while listening for the inevitable "mooommmeeeeee" and the scratching at the door won't do anything for those moments either.
Now, if it's your husband...
Allow me to introduce you to the aphrodisiac qualities of birth control: you would be surprised at the resurgence of the male libido once there is some assurance that nine months hence you won't be popping #6. There are many possibilities here - the pill, condoms, or (since really, don't you think 5 is quite enough?) a vasectomy or a tubal.
In closing, I feel that there is a place for a quote from a post from the articulate and erudite Noelle of ASCF, and something, dearest Heather, that you might bear in mind. It pertains to a couple who broke up over a husband who developed an addiction to internet porn:
"Maybe this is a five-dollar explanation for a fifty-cent punchline, but it was all I could do not to giggle hysterically when my dear great-aunt proclaimed that she just couldn't understand why men like that NEEDED porn when he had a WIFE and EIGHT KIDS!
I looked at Shawn and murmured, "It's a mystery..."
A mystery, indeed.
Childfree Abby
The ChildFree Abby Archives - http://www.dismal-light.net/childfreeabby/