Message ID: c0au1o$146cep$1@ID-202214.news.uni-berlin.de
My boyfriend and I have been living together for two years. I have two children who are 5 and 2 from a previous marriage. I am five months pregnant with my boyfriend's child.
Recently, I discovered that my boyfriend has a drug problem. I'm not sure how I never noticed it before but if I had known, I would have never moved in with him. He is a wonderful man who takes very good care of my children and is like a father to them. My younger son calls him daddy.
I have asked him to stop using drugs and to attend some form of counseling, but he refuses. He says he can stop by himself and he doesn't need to go. He stops for a while but then I find him sneaking the drugs. I am afraid that he is never going to stop. I have tried everything to try and make him get help. I've even had him arrested and left him a few times.
I'm afraid that my children are going to start realizing what's going on.
Do I take this wonderful man away from my kids or sacrifice my beliefs in a drug-free environment?
-- Wondering
Dear Wondering:
I know you feel you're the innocent party here because you seem to have somehow missed the signs of your guy's drug use. And yet, you've known enough to leave him a few times and have even had him arrested.
And you still live with him and have decided to have a child with him.
So now I'm not that interested in your "beliefs in a drug-free environment." Because if you truly believed in living in a drug-free environment, you would.
Let's set aside your personal issues and focus on the fact that you are exposing your children to the insecurities and potential dangers of life in a household with a drug user who refuses to seek treatment. You say they might pick up on what is going on, and I assure you they're already aware of more than you know. (Do you suppose that when "Daddy" was arrested it somehow escaped their notice?)
I think you need to get your act together very quickly and do what is best for these children. That means you issue an ultimatum to your boyfriend and insist that if he wants to be a member of your household, he must not only seek treatment, but also succeed at it. If he is as wonderful as you say, he'll do it.
Let's get this straight - you have lived with Mr Wonderful for 2 years and recently (just how recently?) you discovered that he has a drug problem, and in denial about this drug problem. Furthermore after "recently" finding out you have "had him arrested and even left him a few times"? Turtledove, these numbers just don't add up. And even if they did - they add up to considerably more than the 5 months you are pregnant.
So that said -you chose to get pregnant by a drug abuser. Furthermore, you really have to ask just what sort of "good care" can he give your children when he is stoned? Surely you aren't leaving them alone with him? Oh you are? Oh, silly me... he is Mr Wonderful, after all... and you LOOOOVE him so much that you knowingly put your children in danger. My, aren't you a Candidate for Mother of the Year? If Denial is a river in Egypt, you are surely Cleopatra, and you are barging right up there with him.
May I respectfully suggest that you get your head out of your twat and get the hell out of there? You can't change him, he doesn't want to change. And if you stay there, well, you don't want him to change either, do you? From what I see you get your jollies out of being a martyr.
Childfree Abby
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