Message ID: c0iohk$16run0$1@ID-202214.news.uni-berlin.de
I have two beautiful, well-behaved teenagers. You can imagine my dismay when I discovered my younger son was making fun of an older member of our church. This older man has severe hearing loss. My son and his friend were mouthing words without producing a sound, making the partially deaf person believe he couldn't hear anything.
When I questioned my son about his actions, he said his elementary school principal had encouraged students to play this same trick on a teacher who was battling a hearing problem. I asked my son how the teacher reacted to this teasing, and he said that he once saw her cry the entire day.
I think my son should write an apology to this teacher (who finally gave up and took an early retirement). My husband says the deed is done and it would only remind her of unpleasant days. Besides, he insists, it was not our son's fault. He was doing only what the principal wanted. What do you say?
-- Denison, Iowa, Mom
Dear Denison:
Shame on that principal for making fun of a teacher and encouraging the students to do the same. Nevertheless, your son is old enough to realize his actions were hurtful and cruel.
A letter of apology to the teacher would be a kindness, but forcing him to write it becomes a punishment, not an expression of remorse. Instead, ask your son to put himself in the teacher's place and understand how much pain he caused her. She has not forgotten it. Letting her know he is sorry and asking for forgiveness can be healing. A verbal apology to the church member also is in order, and the sooner the better. Otherwise, the incident will always prey on his conscience. As it should.
Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar
Son is old enough to realize actions are cruel
Published February 13, 2004
One thing you should get through your head right now is this: your son is not a beautiful well-behaved teenager.
He is a bully.
His Principal is also a bully.
Your Husband is a jerk.
The action that the principal instigated on that teacher and that your son partook on go beyond merely shameful It is called harassment, and it is illegal. Even in elementary school, and certainly as a teenager, your son should known that making fun of others, and particularly those with disabilities is cruel to the extreme. One can only imagine the hell that that teacher lived with on a daily basis.
That principal abused his position and his power, he abused his colleagues and more than likely those in his care. Do you really imagine that it stopped with this one teacher? You can bet "your white picket fence perfect world with two beautiful well behaved teenagers" that he didn't.
Yes, a letter of apology is a punishment, and as I see it, a very light one. I fail to see the problem with that. Likewise, he should apologize to the church member at the earliest possible time. It will teach your son a valuable and long over due lesson in responsibility for one's actions.
It may well be likely that the teacher in question has no idea just how all pervading her abuse and harassment went. Or perhaps she does but did not have any proof to back her up. It is very possible that that principal is still teaching. Writing that letter may do many things for her - it may give her what she needs to start legal proceedings against her abuser. Her profession was stolen from her, and her life was made a living hell. Your son played a role in this. He needs to apologize and make amends. Now.
Childfree Abby
The ChildFree Abby Archives - http://www.dismal-light.net/childfreeabby/