Message ID: c3pnqk$2abqdj$1@ID-202214.news.uni-berlin.de
One of my husband's friends recently became engaged, and I am already dreading the bachelor party, which will no doubt include a strip club. I have been staying awake at night, knowing my husband, "Ben," will be attending.
It bothers me that Ben will be seeing live, naked women. I think since he is married, he doesn't need to go to a strip club. I've told Ben how I feel, but he doesn't seem to care. I've told him if he goes, I won't be able to look at him or be physical with him for a while because I will be so disgusted. He knows I mean it, too, because it happened once before.
I am seriously considering going to a bar that night, all dressed up, hoping to meet a man. I don't intend to cheat on my husband, but I want him to go through the same anguish I will be going through. I know this is petty, but what's a wife to do?
-- Disgusted in California
Dear Disgusted:
A wife needs to decide if she trusts her husband or not. One night spent looking at naked women is not going to hurt a healthy marriage. We understand why you find it objectionable, but your response determines the damage level. Picking up strange men in retaliation is destructive and certainly isn't going to help. You can turn this into a major battle or forget about it. It's up to you.
You are keeping yourself awake at night obsessing something that has not happened and may not happen, and you are planning your "revenge" in advance? Sunshine, you have a problem, and it's not the fact that your husband may spend one night in a peeler bar at a bachelor party.
In the grand scheme of things, that one night at a bachelor party isn't going to damage your marriage the way your childish and spiteful behaviour will damage it. I agree with my counterpart, your reaction determines the damage level. And your "plotting revenge" bespeaks of an obsessive and vindictive manner that is going to overflow into other areas. What are you going to do if he leaves the cap off the toothpaste?
Carry out the plan to "pick up a man" will not win you the battle, and it will certainly cost you the war.
The problem, Turtledove, isn't with him. It's with you.
Childfree Abby
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