Message ID: c662q0$8ahbr$1@ID-202214.news.uni-berlin.de
I'm 17 years old and found out five months ago that I am pregnant .. When I told my boyfriend, "Ryan," he panicked and said he never wanted to talk to me again. I was crushed, and scared about having this baby on my own.
A week later, my friend, "Dan," offered to step into the role of father. He said he would take care of the baby and that every one would believe the baby was his. I agreed. We told my family and then his. During the last five months, Dan has come to my doctors' appointments and the Lamaze classes. I was happy and relieved that my child would have a father.
Two weeks ago, I came dangerously close to losing the baby. Ryan ended up rushing me to the hospital. When the baby was out of danger, Ryan told me that he'd changed his mind and now wanted to be the baby's father, no matter what.
I'm completely mixed up. I really think Dan would be the best father, but what about Ryan's rights? If I choose Ryan and he later abandons me, I know Dan would not come to my rescue again. What should I do?
- Afraid in Iowa
Dear Iowa:
You are too confused and too young to be making a lifetime commitment to either of these guys. You need more time to make the right choices for yourself and your baby. Also, please discuss the true situation with your parents, so they can be a source of support for you and your child.
Dan sounds like a prince, but passing off your child as his is more complicated than you think, and the truth has a way of getting out. We don't think Ryan is mature enough to be a responsible partner. However, he should live up to his obliga tions as a father, so discuss child support and visitation with a lawyer.
Annie's Mailbox
Young, pregnant and confused
April 20, 2004
Of course you realize that a condom would have prevented all of this. I am starting to think that everything I've heard about Iowa - and those who inhabit that state - is true. Maybe its the water.
Fact is, you should not have gotten pregnant,and you should not be having this baby. Since none of you Rhodes scholars can figure out the intricacies of birth control you are obviously not equipped emotionally, mentally or financially to raise this child.
Give yourself a break, and the child the chance of a decent life - put it up for adoption and continue with your education. Ryan, at the earliest opportunity (namely the first shitty diaper), will dump you for the current flavour of the week, and Dan may well decide that being responsible for another man's (and I use the term loosely) child pales pretty quickly in the cold light of day and you will be left holding the snugli.
Save yourself, and save the kid.
Childfree Abby
The ChildFree Abby Archives - http://www.dismal-light.net/childfreeabby/