Message ID: c6r8l7$fhept$1@ID-202214.news.uni-berlin.de
I have an issue with my live-in boyfriend's mother. "Brett's" mom comes for dinner once a week. That's fine, but Brett was arrested for his third DUI last summer, and now he has no driver's license. Tonight, after dinner, his mother took him to the store to buy wine and a six-pack of beer. This isn't the first time. She once came over at 11 p.m., in her pyjamas, to drop him off at a bar.
Brett is on probation for two years and isn't supposed to be drinking at all. He takes advantage of his mother, and she lets him. Yet she repeatedly calls me and complains that she wishes he would grow up. I am not sure if she is an enabler or if she simply cannot say no to him. What can I do?
-- No Booze in Michigan
Dear Booze:
Are you willing to call the police and notify them that Brett is violating his probation? Can you talk to his mother, firmly, and inform her that she is enabling her son's drinking and crippling his chances for a decent life?
If these possibilities are not something you are willing or able to do, look in your phone book for Al-Anon (al-anon.alateen.org) for help in dealing with this.
Annie's Mailbox
You should first get something straight. The problem isn't with your boyfriend's mother. The problem is with your boyfriend who refuses to admit he has a problem and - by extension - refuses to deal with it.
Granted, Ma isn't doing her sonnybubbles any favours, but if she wasn't driving him to the gin mill, he would find someone else to do it. He has made some choices, and it's high time he took some responsibility for them.
This is what you do: First, lay it on the line to his mother - she is cutting him off at the knees. Then, turf the loser out. Fear not, Mommy will take him in - then he is her problem, not yours. If he displays an interest, tell him that you will resume the relationship with him when he has been clean and sober for one year and not before (don't be surprised if he really doesn't give a rat's ass). In the meantime, don't wait around for this guy, get on with your life.
Childfree Abby - responsibly
The ChildFree Abby Archives - http://www.dismal-light.net/childfreeabby/