Message ID: 2hj72eFdh9mpU1@uni-berlin.de
This behavior doesn't seem normal for a girl her age. Her mom (my sister-in-law) has a buy me-give me-take me parenting style and works incredibly hard to give her daughter whatever she wants, but demands no respect in return. I have three kids of my own, and I strongly disagree with this.
My niece has started to create a rift between us because when I baby-sit her, I tell her to "suck it up" while her mom immediately steps in to try to fix everything. The girl tells her mom I'm too strict. How should I handle this child when I'm forced to be around her?
A. You can't impose your philosophy of parenting on your sister-in-law or brother. They undoubtedly recognize your different approach with their daughter, and they may even use the comparison to point out to her that they're kinder than you are. The girl has learned to get what she wants when she wants it. Your differences will undoubtedly cause friction between your children and their cousin, and that may be disappointing to you.
You can tell your sister-in-law that you prefer not to baby-sit your niece except in emergencies, or you can say that you expect the girl to respect your discipline and explain that you're unwilling to baby-sit unless your sister-in-law supports you. If your sister-in-law really needs your help, she may be willing to clarify her expectations to her daughter about her behavior while in your care.
At some point, if your niece is truly as egocentric as you say, her parents will get tired of her lack of consideration and may even look to you for advice. Until then, you'll have to agree to disagree and hope the differences won't completely interfere with your family relationships.
Sylvia Rimm
Whether they want to admit it or not, the parents of "problem child" aren't doing her any favours as they continue to facilitate her belief that the world revolves around her. Poor kid, she is in for a very rude awakening at some point in time in the future. The longer that such an education of the real world and the boundaries thereof is delayed, the harder such an awakening will be for her.
However, since you can't change them, I suggest that you grow some spine and lay down the law as it pertains to you. No one is forcing you to be around her. I assume (and probably rightly so) that you are not being compensated for babysitting services, and you are in no way obligated to provide same. Refuse to babysit - or if you feel you must, make it "my home, my supervision, my rules" and don't back down. Sure, they will be mad at you, but repeat after me: "Not my problem". Lather, rinse, repeat. As I see it, they have far more to lose than you do.
Childfree Abby
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