Message ID: 2ijvqsFn9lvlU1@uni-berlin.de
I am almost 22 and become very emotional when I hear about friends who are expecting. All my friends from high school have children. My mother already had two children by the time she was my age.
My boyfriend and I are madly in love; however, he continues to tell me he's not ready to be a parent. We don't take precautions when we have sex, but I haven't become pregnant yet.
Abby, should I be feeling desperate to have a child?
-- Wants A Baby Now
Dear Wants:
Before you make a mistake that could affect three lives (yours, your boyfriend's and that of an innocent child), I urge you to get to the bottom of what's missing in your life that has made you "desperate" to fill that void with a baby. You have a way to go before you'll be ready to become a mother -- and your first stop along the way should be at the altar.
Parenthood can be rewarding and fulfilling, provided the couple is prepared, emotionally and financially, for the new arrival. But your boyfriend has made it clear that he isn't ready. Please respect that fact and do what is necessary to prevent a "surprise." Having a child because your parents had two at your age, or because your friends from high school have children, is a poor reason to become a parent.
To be honest, kiddo, I can't decide which of you is the dumber - you who want a baby for no other reason than everybody else has one or your boyfriend who says he isn't ready to be a parent all the while having unprotected sex with you. The fact that you haven't become pregnant is more luck than good management, for which you should be grateful.
Let me tell you something, sunshine; a baby isn't a fashion accessory. When it becomes too tiresome to have around, you can't take it back, or sell it on E-Bay (though, Dog knows, there are those who have tried). You are stuck with it. And you will be stuck with it long after He Who Isn't Ready To Be A Parent won't be seen for dust. You will be stuck with it for at least 18 years.
I have to ask you a few questions:
Do you have a profession where you can support yourself?
Do you have a profession that will enable you to support said offspring
alone?
Are you prepared to be the sole support and caregiver of said offspring?
If you have answered "No" to any of these questions then DON'T GET PREGNANT.
'nuff said.
Childfree Abby
The ChildFree Abby Archives - http://www.dismal-light.net/childfreeabby/