Message ID: 2l537rF8on2rU1@uni-berlin.de
I've been dating my boyfriend a while. I love him with all my heart. We're planning on getting married sometime in the near future. He wants to propose soon. But lately me and him are thinking about having a baby. I want to get pregnant with him. Is there anything wrong with that, because I'm 18?
DEAR TEENAGER:
There's everything wrong with having a baby under these circumstances: 1) You've only dated a while and need to know each other enough to trust you'll both share equally in the responsibilities and finances of raising an infant until the child is the age you are now; 2) your long-term plans are still very fuzzy; 3) your main interest appears to be in getting pregnant to publicly demonstrate your love, instead of because you're both ready to settle down and focus on another little life besides yours. I'm hoping that you wrote me because in your heart you know it's just a romantic, naive notion and not a well-thought-out scenario. Please just enjoy your dating time together until the next stage, which is an engagement period when you make more solid long-range plans.
Technically you are 18, and as such, you can legally do as you please. However, with that freedom comes responsibility. With the utmost respect, get your head out of your genitalia and use it for something besides keeping your ears apart.
You have been dating your boyfriend for "a while". Just how long is that? A month, a couple of weeks or a year? Not that it really matters.
You want a baby? Why?
Are you self supporting? Is he? How do the two of you plan to feed, clothe and care for this hypothetical child? Have either of you even graduated from high school, let alone have any form of job training? Have you ever been totally responsible for so much as a houseplant in your entire life?
Do you realize that a baby is more than just fashion accessory to tote around to show that you "LUURVE" each other? Have you the remotest concept that a baby pisses, shits, cries all night, must be fed, bathed and cared for at the most inconvenient times? Do you have the foggiest clue that you will be responsible for this offspring for the next 18 years? (That is equivalent to how long you've been alive, in case you don't realize that small point.) You just can't toss it in the closet when you get tired of it. Do you understand that from the moment it arrives anything and everything in your life will be subject to the child's needs? That means everything from getting a moment to take a shower to bring able to go out for a cup of coffee. Your wants and needs come a very distant second from that time on. What are you going to do if BabyDaddy decides being stuck at home and changing shitty diapers is just too much of a drag? Its a very real possibility, however much you don't want to recognize it.
Get a life, and get some obviously needed education, both of you.
Childfree Abby
The ChildFree Abby Archives - http://www.dismal-light.net/childfreeabby/