Message ID: 2lafb4Faqb51U1@uni-berlin.de
I am a 32-year-old female, happily married for 11 years. Since my early teens, I have not had even the smallest desire to bear or raise children. I don't dislike kids; I just don't want my own. I am not a nurturer. I don't even want pets. My husband shares my opinion, and we have a wonderful relationship.
My problem is with my family, friends and doctor. Why does everyone insist that I will "change my mind"? My doctor refuses to do a tubal ligation, saying I am "too young." No one would question my judgment if I had kids I couldn't afford. I'm told I should have "at least one," as if I could return the child for a refund later.
I'm tired of the inquisition. It's irresponsible to have a child I don't desire with every fiber of my being. Would you please back me up? -- Child-free by Choice
Dear Child-free:
Consider it done. This is an intensely personal decision, and as long as you and your husband are in agreement, everyone else should butt out.
To back up Annie's words with some solid advice, ChildFree Abby thinks that you should find another doctor, or seek out Planned Parenthood if there is one in your area to get the tubal ligation you want. At 32 years of age you are more than capable of making any choices regarding reproduction. I would also follow this up with a letter to your doctor, with copies sent to whoever oversees him. In said letter, state plainly what you have said above and include "I don't want children, I will never want children, and if by some misfortune I should become pregnant, I would immediately seek an abortion. I would rather this not be necessary."
Here's a thought also, since you are in a solid committed relationship, why doesn't your husband get a vasectomy. It is overall less invasive than a Tubal, and less costly. Also, for some peculiar reasoon (anecdotally speaking) a vasectomy is easier to get than a tubal. Go figure. That said, Life is uncertain, Childfree, and I do applaud you for wanting to take responsibility for your own fertility. Just as your husband should take responsibility for his.
As for dealing with others who know your choice and keep pestering - simply refuse to discuss the matter with them. "We have made our choice, the topic is closed, period. Full stop." Repeat as necessary.
Childfree Abby
The ChildFree Abby Archives - http://www.dismal-light.net/childfreeabby/