Message ID: 2lsoscFgbhguU1@uni-berlin.de
My 17-year-old son and his girlfriend are going to have a baby. I knew they were having sex, and I kept telling them that she needed to use birth control. I even bought him condoms, but apparently, my efforts weren't enough. The girl refuses to get an abortion, and she won't consider adoption.
My husband and I are terribly distraught over this, and we dread breaking the news to our family and friends. The girl's mother said her daughter and the baby can live with her, but I am concerned about my son's legal and financial obligations. Also, should the couple break up, what are my rights as a grandparent?
-- Too Young To Be a Grandma
Dear Too Young:
No matter how careful you are, sometimes your children surprise you, not always for the better. Life has handed you an unexpected hurdle, but we hope you will keep your eyes focused on the silver lining -- your grandchild.
Your son is legally obligated to provide financial support until the child is at least 18 years of age. Please take him to see a lawyer so an agreement for support and visitation can be set down on paper. While you have the attorney nearby, ask him about your state's laws regarding grandparents' rights. You might not have any. If you want to keep in touch with this grandchild, we recommend maintaining a cordial relationship with the mother, and seeing to it that your son does the same.
It must be very hard coming to terms with the fact that you have given birth to a complete and utter moron. However, given that a goodly number of so called "children" have been so completely protected from the consequences of any foolish action, it is not terribly surprising. Granted, his girlfriend is a flaming eight cylinder idiot also, but in this situation she is the flaming eight cylinder idiot who has all the power. Unlike my esteemed counterpart, I very much fail to see any "silver lining" in this situation. What we have is a teen mother, and the offspring of said mother is exponentially likely to raise the child in poverty, exponentially less likely to be able to educate herself and become self supporting. Yes, she may protest much to the contrary, but those are the stats.
As my counterpart has mentioned, your son is legally obligated to provide financial support to his offspring until it has reached the age of majority, which is to say 18. Given the fact that your son is 17, it is doubtful that he has any real concept of just how long 18 years happens to be. Oh, and I have been given to understand that in some states, if your underage son reneges on his child support, the onus falls on you provide it. As in anything here, check with a lawyer.
As for your rights as a grandparent, that, for the most part, is at the whim of the custodial parent. It is dependent on how close she remains to your son, and how cordial your relationship is with her. If your son irritates her, reneges on his obligation to support the child, or as is likely, dumps her at some point in time - your "rights" are on very shaky ground. In short, non-existent. A legal maven may argue otherwise, but in actual practice, that's the truth. While she may not be able to deny access to your son, it is up to him to maintain it. However, she can deny you access at any point in time.
Childfree Abby
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