Message ID: 2mn6e4Foo2rmU1@uni-berlin.de
I met this guy online, and we had a baby together. I'd asked him for his last name for our daughter, but he wanted her to have my last name. He never signed the birth certificate. I don't even know his background. He hasn't told his dad; I think he's ashamed of his daughter. Should I still keep seeing him? He comes almost every other week to see his daughter but doesn't bring diapers or formula. We still talk online. He says he loves me, but I'm unsure. Maybe he has a wife somewhere. I've never been to his home, but he comes here a lot. I'm in love with him, but I'm ready to tell him to either start supporting her or don't come to see her.
SECRET MOM
DEAR SECRET:
A baby's great, but your love affair was ill-conceived. Your daughter needs more than an online father -- she needs his emotional and financial support, plus his health information. It's not just a question of you threatening him with no access. You need his help raising this child, even if he is married. Use your computer for a more practical purpose than chatting with him, and learn your legal rights to child support and his rights to see his daughter. Then insist on a legal agreement between you. Tell him you want him to be part of his daughter's life for her sake. But if this has been an extramarital fling or he's uninterested in a full relationship, you need to face that reality and date more responsibly in the future, in hope of finding a lasting partner.
Learn how to get child support through Illinois Law Help at http://www.illinoislawhelp.org/. If he denies it's his child, you'll require paternity testing; see your doctor to initiate this process.
Online romance results in a baby -- but is dad plugged in elsewhere?
July 26, 2004
ELLIE TESHER
You know, when I read these letters I often ask myself: Are people really that stupid, that unthinking? I know more about the company that sells me my tea (shameless plug - www.murchies.com) than you know about who fathered your child. You don't even know his name! And he is still using you as a booty call! He does not want to support this child nor will he build a relationship with you. A baby under these circumstances is not great. It is a tragedy that the child has a complete and utter idiot for a mother.
Let me spell this out for you:
You.
Are.
A.
Sucker.
Get sterilized, and put the kid up for adoption. That way, if you want to continue being a sucker, you won't drag some other innocent third party into it.
Childfree Abby
The ChildFree Abby Archives - http://www.dismal-light.net/childfreeabby/