Message ID: 2mnecsFp3t7aU1@uni-berlin.de
I need advice. A former co-worker has invited me to her wedding. It's between her and her girlfriend. If I go, I'll have to take my 4-year-old son because I don't have a sitter.
Part of me thinks I should go and take him because they're a nice couple who have been together for seven years. They love each other, and it would be good for my son to learn that it's OK to be different. However, the other part of me thinks, "How am I going to answer the inevitable question, 'Mummy, why is that girl kissing the other girl?"' I know I could answer it with, "Because they love each other," but I think it's a bit of a leap for a 4-year-old. Then again, I'm thinking if I don't take him, I am breeding intolerance and hate -- and that is not my aim.
Should I go, or just send a gift and my best wishes?
-- Help! In Jacksonville, Fla.
Dear Help!:
Whether to take him or not depends on whether there will be other children at the wedding. If he's the only child there, he could be bored. If other children are included, he will probably regard it as a nice party and nothing more. Should he ask why one person is kissing the other, tell the truth -- because they love each other. You don't have to deliver a 15-minute lecture on tolerance. Besides, by the time the wedding cake is served, he'll be more interested in dessert and playing with his contemporaries than any life lesson. Trust me on that.
One thing you have not mentioned, and my esteemed counterpart only brought up obliquely is this:
Whose name is on the invitation?
Is it Ms Help and Son?
If not, then please find a sitter or stay home. Please do not give me this "I don't have a sitter" bushwah. You will have weeks and sometimes months to find one. If in all that time you cannot find a sitter, it merely displays a disinclination to do so on your part.
Oh, and incidentally, if the invitation states Ms Help and Escort, it is *NOT* the same as Ms Help and Son. It is the height of rudeness to bring children to an event such as a wedding where they have not been invited. Your girlfriend may have wanted an "adults only" event. If perchance your child was invited see the advice above. If not, don't worry, because if you bring your kid, it is quite likely your girlfriend will never speak to you again, and you will be spared the need for any further explanation.
Childfree Abby
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