Message ID: 2p908lFi3315U1@uni-berlin.de
I am in a live-in relationship with a man I'll call Howard. Last year, I began quietly seeing "Adam." Howard found out about the affair a few months later but didn't want us to break up.
I decided to stay with Howard even though I am in love with Adam, because I can't support myself on my own. After that, Adam decided it would be best if we stopped seeing each other. I know he's right, but I'd really like to talk to him. I'm agonizing over whether to call him.
When I ask my family or friends for advice, they say I should move on and get over Adam, because I'm only 21 and have my whole life ahead of me. I can't let go so easily. Should I call Adam, and if I do, what should I say?
-- Clueless In Vegas
Dear Clueless:
Listen to your family and friends; they have your best interests at heart. I strongly recommend that you take a breather before going another round with anyone. Do not call Adam until you have left Howard and become self-supporting. That way, he will know you are not after him for a meal ticket too.
You are 21 years old and you are staying in a live-in relationship with someone only because you need someone to support you.
Pardon me, but the line that separates this from a "relationship" to an "act of prostitution" is getting increasingly blurred here. No matter what you call it, you are selling yourself. I really have to wonder about what type of family you come from that would support such a blatantly dishonest choice. At 21, you should not have to look to some man to "keep" you. You should be making your own choices, and following your own dreams with whom so ever you choose.
What you need to do is separate yourself from this de facto act of prostitution. Get a job, get a room mate, whatever it takes, but stand on your own two feet and gain some self respect.
Childfree Abby
The ChildFree Abby Archives - http://www.dismal-light.net/childfreeabby/