Message ID: 2p8tj6FiepreU1@uni-berlin.de
I am planning to marry "Bob" next year. His family is quite wealthy, and mine is not. We don't want a lavish wedding. Something simple, yet memorable. My parents are not able to pay for everything, and I feel Bob's family could contribute more. However, they have not offered, and I don't know how to approach them. I already feel out-of-place with my in-laws because of the financial disparity between our families. Please tell me how to handle this. My parents are in dire straits. -- Bride in Alabama
Dear Bride:
First, scale back your wedding plans so your parents don't have to go into debt. Then, discuss the finances with your fiancé. It is not unusual these days for both sets of parents to split the cost of a wedding. If Bob thinks his parents might be willing to pay for more, HE should be the one to approach them. Meanwhile, try to relax about your in-laws' financial status. We all put our pants on the same way.
Here is a novel new idea, one that I don't think you have even considered.
Pay For Your Own Wedding.
That way,
1) your parents won't go into debt.
2) you don't have to go a-begging to your in-laws and
3) you begin your married life with a modicum of self respect.
That way you can have your "simple but memorable" wedding within a budget you can set.
Your parents do not "owe" you a wedding. Neither do your in-laws. You are both (presumably) adults, and therefore responsible for yourself and your expenses. Just as in an earlier letter, you don't have a dowry, your parents don't have to pay for your wedding.
Childfree Abby - responsibly
The ChildFree Abby Archives - http://www.dismal-light.net/childfreeabby/