Message ID: 3076tnF2s5rb4U1@uni-berlin.de
My best girlfriend's child is a terror, and because she can't afford a sitter or nanny, she must take 'Little Rudy' with her on our weekly lunch dates. He is 20 months old and demands constant attention, which really takes the fun out of girlfriend time. When he was younger, he slept during our lunches, but now he's all eyes and ears -- and mouth.
When I suggested my friend let "Big Rudy" mind the child so we could have a civilized evening together, she said, "No can do," because she thinks her baby needs her while he is young. She also said it is not fair to dump Little Rudy with his father after he has worked all day. I am feeling like a second-class citizen here. Am I wrong? I'm not sure if I am overreacting but, then again, I do not have children.
-- Liz
Dear Liz:
Being childless, you couldn't possibly relate to what your friend is going through. Taking a 20-month-old to a restaurant for girlfriend lunch is like taking your cat shopping. She must truly value you as a friend to even attempt it.
Why not reschedule girlfriend lunches at her home to correspond with Little Rudy's naptime? Do take-out or bring sandwiches - something easy - and enjoy. Your girlfriend needs this time as much as you do.
Little kid is a big pain on girlfriends' lunch dates
http://www.twincities.com/mld/twincities/10195851.htm?1c
The Advice Diva would have you make obeisance at the feet of your childed friend for apparently not making any effort at all to maintain the friendship.
The idea of doing "take out" while little Rudy sleeps is a reasonable one, if you should choose to pursue it. However, there is no guarantee that little Rudy will stay asleep, or that he even has a set nap time.
While there may (or may not be) some merit in her claim that she cannot afford a sitter for a couple of hours, there really is no reason whatsoever that "Big Rudy" cannot care for his own child for a few hours a couple of times a month. When last I looked, it still took two people to produce this child and both parties should assume childcare responsibilities. Therefore, there are two possibilities: your friend is too much of a doormat to insist that "Big Rudy" pull a bit of his share; Or, she has succumbed to the all-too-common trend of "baby as fashion accessory" and just doesn't want to be seen without said accessory.
In the end, you have to decide what is what, and if she won't budge, just how much this friendship is worth maintaining.
Childfree Abby
The ChildFree Abby Archives - http://www.dismal-light.net/childfreeabby/