Message ID: 30k9bbF32rrjdU1@uni-berlin.de
I've been seeing a widower for four years. I'm divorced. I rent; he owns. He has said his house is his children's house. If I want to live there, I have to sign papers agreeing to this. I stay there on weekends, cleaning and cooking. But let's say I live and look after this house for 10 to 20 years, and I get nothing.
He won't sell and get our own place. I'm trying to figure out something in which my own children are considered. Otherwise, I love him.
-- TOTALLY CONFUSED
DEAR CONFUSED:
Welcome to the legal side of second unions. For many people, the house is the most significant asset to leave to their children. They feel they can't give away half of that legacy that reflects their children's past. Hence, the prenup or common-law agreement.
He can, however, provide you with other security if he wishes, such as a life insurance policy with you as beneficiary, or a bequest of cash. Raise these issues in a joint discussion with a lawyer -- something you must do before signing anything.
Meanwhile, get him to help you clean and cook. It's part of being in a modern partnership. But don't contribute your money or labor to renovations unless that contribution is acknowledged in an agreement.
According to legal expert Andrew Engle, the Illinois Marriage & Dissolution of Marriage Act does not protect common-law couples. Under Illinois Family Law, she does not have an interest in her boyfriend's home and would not obtain an interest by living in it.
If the two of you decide to make a full-time go of it, both of you should make some provision for the other in case one partner predeceases the other. That issue was most ably addressed by my esteemed counterpart.
However, I am now confused. Whatever makes you think that this man is under any obligation whatsoever to make some provision for your children? That, my dear, is the prerogative of you, and their father. An inheritance is a gift, and no one is entitled to a gift. If he, out of the goodness of his heart, chooses to make such a gift, he is a fine person, but you are clearly out of line if you think your children are entitled to it. If you wish to provide such, then you should make your own arrangements.
Childfree Abby
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