Message ID: 310v5fF35306gU1@uni-berlin.de
I've been with my boyfriend more than a year; we're pretty serious. I'm a single mother, often struggling with money or buying groceries. I work full time and sometimes have difficulty making ends meet. He has no kids, two good jobs and lives at home, rent-free! Although he pays whenever we go out, he never helps me financially, even when I've hinted about not knowing where I'm going to get money for the doctor or car repairs. My ex-boyfriend used to pitch in frequently and seemed to enjoy helping me. I'm building resentment toward my boyfriend. I'm not saying I expect anything, but don't you think he should help out a little, especially when we're talking marriage?
-- ONE BROKE MOTHER
DEAR BROKE:
Yes, you are expecting financial help! But instead of asking this guy in a straightforward manner whether he can help you, and how you two would manage financially later, you're sitting like a helpless princess in the tower, waiting to be rescued. Maybe he's working two jobs and living at home to save up for a wedding, or a house for you and your family? You can't know if you stay silent, waiting for handouts.
I think you really ought to take a look at what you do want from this relationship. Your current is working at two jobs, has no kids and lives at home and by virtue of that, you seem to think that you are entitled to his financial aid to support yourself and your offspring.
Sorry, Sugar, it doesn't work that way. You are responsible for yourself, your bills, and your offspring. The offspring, incidentally, should also be the responsibility of the other person who helped produce them. If the current boyfriend wishes to chip in, fine, but you are not entitled to it.
You say your ex-boyfriend used to pitch in frequently and seemed to enjoy it. It does beg the question of if things were so spiffy with this guy, why is he an "ex"? That comparison could really backfire on you.
My esteemed counterpart is correct, you both had better sit down and discuss where this relationship is going and your expectations, financial and otherwise, with each other. But let me tell you, if "Walking Wallet" heads your list, don't be surprised if this guy becomes an "ex" too.
Childfree Abby
The ChildFree Abby Archives - http://www.dismal-light.net/childfreeabby/