Message ID: 313n9vF34umt9U1@uni-berlin.de
I met a girl. We're both college freshmen. I live with my mother; the girl lives in a dorm. I got up the courage to ask her out. I've never been in a relationship before, but she has. After dating one week, I got suspicious because guys were always calling and visiting her. I went through her closet and found a picture of her in the arms of another guy from her dorm.
I confronted her. During the heat of the argument I told her that ever since her best friend died (he was bipolar and committed suicide last summer) she was acting like a pill, depressing everyone around her, and that he didn't really love her because if he did he wouldn't have killed himself.
Then I said that with the way she acts, it's a wonder everyone around her doesn't commit suicide. She broke up with me on the spot. I found out later that the guy in the picture was her cousin. She won't talk to me or return my calls or e-mails.
I want to marry her. How do I get her to date me again?
-- I SCREWED UP
DEAR SCREWED UP:
Don't even think about it. You need so much growing up that the word "marry" is, for now, a joke on your lips. Here are some instant lessons: 1) One week is not a relationship. 2) Jealousy and suspicions within one week of dating only reflect immaturity and insecurity on your part, nothing else. 3) You have no right to go through anyone's closet, least of all someone you want to continue seeing. 4) Once you say the worst thing possible -- which you did -- the door is already closed on taking it back. Your outburst was so inappropriate and over-the-top that I worry about your mother's peace of mind, living with you.
My advice: Focus on school and opening your mind beyond yourself; move out on your own or into a dorm and find out about life outside your limited shell; write that girl a letter of abject apology and never call her again.
She drops him after insults; can he get her back?
November 30, 2004
BY ELLIE TESHER
Let me explain a few things to you: Dating for one week by no means confers exclusivity in a relationship, let alone marriage or - as you seem to think it - ownership. No one lives in a vacuum (except perhaps you) and she has a life experience that includes friends and that drives you insane. I would guess that you don't have a lifestyle that includes anything beyond Mommy. You have some real issues to work out before you get into a relationship with anyone besides Mommy and a pet rock. Your former girlfriend displayed far more leniency than I would have. If I had found out you had been going through my closet I would have tossed you out the door before you had a chance to start the insults.
You acted like a two year old with a temper tantrum, and your chances of reconciliation are nil, none, nada, zip. Never once in your letter did you say you were sorry - not that it would have made a bit of difference.
My advice to you is to leave home and get a taste of the real world with real people and work on becoming a man instead of an A$$hole. If that is beyond you - go home, go down into your mother's basement and lock yourself in the root cellar and don't come out. Ever.
Childfree Abby
The ChildFree Abby Archives - http://www.dismal-light.net/childfreeabby/