Message ID: 318p38F39tsseU1@individual.net
I've been married 10 years. I was never around, always going out with friends, working, etc. I discovered my wife was talking to another married man, for two months before I found out. She said it was my fault for never being around. I was upset but never went after the guy.
I've forgiven her and tried to make the marriage work, but cannot get this out of my head. Every day I think of what happened and how I guess I was so stupid. My wife says she loves me. I want to believe her but I'm hurt from the deceit.
-- MR. WRONG MOVE
DEAR MR. WRONG MOVE:
Ten years of self-interest, absence, no help, and you are hurt? Two months of her talking to the only man who was there to listen, and she needed your forgiveness?
Be grateful she still finds something to love in you, and get to marriage counseling with her. You two need a fresh start.
Next time you find yourself dwelling on this, compare every minute of her reaching out for a glimpse of companionship to the hours, days, weeks and months of your emotional absence from this marriage. Then woo her back to an equal, loving relationship in which making time for each other is a priority.
Suddenly, he's got all kinds of time -- to accuse
December 02, 2004
BY ELLIE TESHER
Contrary to what my esteemed counterpart believes, I think this marriage is over. It stopped breathing long ago, and the only thing to do is take it off life support and bury the corpse.
You have already proved yourself to be a self-involved jerk. While you pay lip service to the fact that you neglected your wife and your marriage, you have yet to take any real responsibility for your actions. After 10 years (!) of neglect, your wife talks to someone for two months and you have the unmitigated gall to consider yourself the injured party and pat yourself on the back for "not going after the guy". Let me clue you in, asshat, your wife has had the patience of a saint to put up with the likes of you for that long - and a lot of women would have done a whole lot more than "talk" to someone. You should have gotten down on your knees and begged her forgiveness.
Why is this marriage finished? Because you can't get your head out of your self-absorbed rectum and take some real responsibility here. You will hold this matter over her head until the day one of you dies. Your wife deserves better than this - and you.
Childfree Abby
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