Childfree Abby - Entitlement Attitude from Hell23 December 2004Message ID: 330e7nF3qof50U1@individual.net
Dear Amy: I am totally frustrated. My daughter, who is 47 years old and lives out of state, became totally disabled three years ago. The government aid she gets barely pays her electric bill. My wife and I have been supporting her and pay all of her expenses, rent, etc. My son, who is 40, recently found out that we have been supporting his sister. He has now stopped speaking to us and is angry that all of our money will be used up and there will be nothing left for him and our three grandchildren. Are we doing the wrong thing? Is our son correct in his anger toward us? -- Beyond Frustration Dear Beyond: My first question is, what is your son doing to help his sister? My second question is, what is he doing to help you? Obviously, his anger toward you is so misplaced. And let me punctuate my point by saying that not only shouldn't this grown man be angling for your money, but he should be stepping up to the plate to assist you and his sister, if not financially, then certainly emotionally. You are in a family, and this is how it works. You know the saying "through thick and thin"? This is the thin part. Becoming a father should have opened your son's eyes to what it means to want to protect and provide for your children when they need it most. Your son is entitled to your loving kindness, not your life's savings. I hope you find a way to work this out; obviously he has a lot to learn about what it really means to be a parent -- I hope he can learn from your example. Also, please do some research and make sure your daughter is receiving all of the funds she is entitled to. A social worker with your local Department of Health and Human Services should be able to review her case with you.
Son is entitled to love, not life's savings
Dear Frustration My esteemed counterpart has raised some very pertinent points, but to those I must add: Your son has the entitlement attitude from hell, and that attitude doesn't develop overnight. Growing an entitlement attitude takes time and much reinforcement. Quite frankly, I suspect he developed them long ago and you probably really only noticed it now because that attitude is directed at you - in spades. If your daughter had fallen on rough times due to her own vices and mismanagement, that would be one thing. However, a catastrophic disability is something that could happen to us all, and in the blink of an eye. Your son shows a distressing lack of compassion and empathy. That being the case, I submit that you have raised a spoiled brat. I disagree with my esteemed counterpart in her statement: "Becoming a father should have opened your son's eyes to what it means to want to protect and provide for your children when they need it most." Parenthood does not automatically bestow this enlightenment. Parenthood by no means guarantees that you will become a better person. In fact, if he was a greedy jerk before, if anything, he will likely become worse. Let me state something that I have stated before: An inheritance is a gift. No one is entitled to a gift. Whether you choose to give aid and support to your disabled daughter, or leave it all to the animal shelter is entirely your option. If your son disagrees with this, tell him to take his concerns, fold them very carefully so that the pointy edges are all on the outside, and insert them where Sol doesn't shine. Also, if your son is so concerned about providing an inheritance for his children, then he should set to work and provide them with one. It isn't your concern.
Childfree Abby
|