Childfree Abby - She Has Her Cake And Eats It Too13 January 2005Message ID: 34nka8F4bkbj6U1@individual.net
DEAR ELLIE: My wife of six years left, moving in with a friend who had been living with us on a rental basis. I think she had an affair from the start. She moved back in after several major disputes with him. She also wants to remain friends with me, her husband, now that we live together. We a have a son, age 3; I've seen him change for the better since we're living together. My wife now works as a bartender and comes home later than she works. She has phone numbers from male customers. She went to a Christmas party with another. They're only friends, she says. I've told her I love her, I want to forgive and forget the past, so that we can rekindle our marriage. But how can I work on my marriage when she'd rather go out with some guy than be with me? She wants to remain friends with me for now, and maybe something might develop. Do I let her do what she wants or kick her out? -- HEARTBROKEN DEAR HEARTBROKEN: Your wife is like a bouncing ball, going freely where she will, but dropping to familiar ground. It's up to you to decide how much of this up-and-down movement you can take. Since she already had one affair practically under your nose, you can bet that some of these "friends" are also looking for kindling something hot with her, as are you. But one of you has to be responsible as a parent and end the instability. You need to get a straight answer and stop relying on your own dreamed-up expectations. If she wants only to be friends with you, then get a clean separation agreement and work out joint child custody, support and access arrangements in the best interest of your son. You can share the house if you want, but don't pretend it's a real marriage.
Dear Heartbroken You are being a chump. And your wife knows this and is taking advantage of it. Accept this, the marriage that you had is now over. Your wife is in the most enviable position of having her cake and eating it too. She has all the freedom of being single, but never has to take on the responsibility of actually being single. She gets to party hearty and never take on true responsibilty for herself or your mutual child. Get your head out of your butt and tell Party Girl that the game is over and its time to pick up the tab.
Childfree Abby
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