Childfree Abby - Birthday Party or Gift Grab23 January 2005Message ID: 35i9b4F4na862U1@individual.net
Dear Amy: What do you think of inviting adults to children's birthday parties? My nephew has three children, all under 4, and I'm invited to their birthdays every year. I never go but always respond with a card and a check for $25. The money doesn't bother me as much as being invited in the first place. When I was growing up, we were lucky to have a party at all, never mind one attended by gift-giving adults. Am I wrong to feel a little irked by this? --Distant Uncle Dear Distant: You are wrong as can be. I'm not sure what threatens you so about the idea of being included in these happy family events, but if your nephew cares about you enough to want to see you on his children's birthdays, you are one lucky guy. In my experience, adults are sometimes included in birthday parties for very young children, partly because these gatherings constitute a way of celebrating a family's life and partly because very young children usually don't celebrate with lots of other kids. Like you, I didn't have parties attended by any adult other than my parents when I was a kid. But I have cherished those two-hour pockets of celebration I've attended as an adult on behalf of my nieces and nephews. You seem to indicate that your nephew is trolling for gifts for his children; I would assume that he just wants to see you and have you get to know his family better. I hear from so many heartbroken older family members who decry the fact that the younger generation seems to have forgotten them--it's a shame that you take this for granted.
Uncle's attitude seems churlish
Dear Distant Uncle, These days child worship seems to enjoy a cult-like status and my esteemed counterpart is one of its most stalwart acolytes. People seem to have gotten the idea that the whole world needs to bow down before the altar of their working genitalia. Furthermore, they are positively shocked when the rest of the world fails to agree with them. I equate attending the birthday party of under 4 year olds to having a root canal sans anaesthetic. I think your estimation that it is a gift grab is correct. In order to gauge this, ask yourself these questions - 1. Do you enjoy a close relationship with this nephew? 2. Have you ever received a thank you for the gift, verbal or otherwise? 3. Does your nephew acknowledge your birthday? 4. How far away do you live from said nephew? If you live more than one could comfortably travel to attend such a gathering, the odds are, it's a gift grab. 5. Do you ever hear from this crowd other than at gift giving times? If the answer is "No" to the majority of the questions above, then it is a gift grab. Send a card, if you wish.
Childfree Abby
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