Childfree Abby - Vasectophobia29 January 2005Message ID: 361ovbF4r7nu3U1@individual.net
Dear Annie: I am a 36-year-old mother of two. After our first child was born, I suffered four miscarriages, two of which required a D&C, which created adhesions from scar tissue. I underwent two hysteroscopies and an emergency laparoscopy. After all this, we were able to have a second child, delivered via C-section. But I then had another miscarriage and decided enough was enough. I would like my husband to have a vasectomy, but he refuses. Our current form of birth control is the withdrawal method, which isn't much fun, not to mention it's not the most effective. Frankly, I've been poked and prodded enough, and I don't want to undergo more surgery for a tubal ligation. Birth control pills are not an option, and I have an allergy to latex, so condoms are out. On top of my medical history, it's cheaper for my husband to have a vasectomy, and the recovery time is fairly quick. A tubal would require a month off work without pay. My mother-in-law has her boy convinced he'll suffer lifelong urinary infections if he undergoes a vasectomy. I think my husband believes he'll be somehow less of a man, so he is dead-set against it. I would appreciate your advice because I am about ready to file for divorce. -- Southwest Sufferer Dear Southwest: It doesn't say much about your husband's character that he would put his macho pride above your health. For the record, vasectomies are quite safe and have absolutely no effect on a man's sexual drive or masculinity. If your husband is worried about surgery, he can look into non-surgical options. Tell him to stop listening to Mama's hysteria and talk to his doctor.
Selfish hubby refuses to get vasectomy
Dear Southwest: First and foremost - the "withdrawal" method isn't a birth control method. It is just something people do so that they can say that they are doing something. Now that we have that out of the way, there are a few options open to you - Diaphragm (though those might be made of latex, lambskin condoms (they work for birth control, but not for protection against STDs) Female condom (again the latex issue may crop up), spermicidal jellies and foams (which don't have that great a level of protection) or an IUD of some form. That is how you can protect yourself. However, the real issue here is your husband, who obviously doesn't give a ragged rodent's rectum about you: he would rather endanger your life just so he can get his rocks off. Mr Macho also doesn't seem to care whether you find the sex act enjoyable either. To be honest, how much fun can it be for you if you are afraid of getting pregnant again and endangering your life? It is also rather obvious that your mother-in-law sees you as expendable. This, my dear, is where you stand in their estimation. That said, what is the point of being in a relationship with someone who values you so little? Mr Macho is a mama's boy, and it's time to cut the strings. File for that divorce.
Childfree Abby
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