Childfree Abby - Vasectophobia - The Return
07 May 2005
Message ID: 427cd77c$1_2@x-privat.org
Dear Annie:
I would like to respond to "Southwest Sufferer," who went
through multiple miscarriages and whose husband refused to have a vasectomy.
I am 45 years old and had a vasectomy 12 years ago. Here are the pros:
(1) You will be doing your part to reduce world-wide overpopulation. (2)
You can throw away those hated condoms. (3) Your wife will be relieved
that she does not have to worry about pregnancy. (4) Your wife's
appreciation can be expressed in many ways. Here's the con: (1) You will
suffer 48 hours of discomfort after undergoing a quick, safe, simple
procedure. That's it.
However, Annie, while I am an advocate for vasectomy, no one should be
assailed for deciding against an elective procedure.
-- Shooting Blanks in Connecticut.
Dear Conn.:
We heard from hundreds of readers on the subject. Read on:
From Seattle:
I'm a 36-year-old mother of two children born via
C-section. My husband is a diabetic, so elective surgery for him is not
an option. Let's face it, women are more responsible for birth control
because it's our bodies that get pregnant.
ChildFree Abby:
May I draw your attention to the response from the
gentleman from Illinois? Pardon me, but I thought marriage was about
loving and caring for one another. It is obvious in light of your
stunning words of wisdom, that this woman, her health and well-being are
expendable to both you and her husband.
Midwest:
I am the father of five and had a vasectomy 14 years ago. It is
a relatively minor procedure, but for me, sex wasn't quite the same
afterward. It wasn't macho pride. It was knowing that the possibility of
creating more beautiful children had been taken from me. She should not
bully him into this, or there will be other issues.
ChildFree Abby:
I wonder what your wife would comment here. I'm sure she would be
thrilled to find out just how expendable you think she is. Also,
if "creating children" is the be-all and end-all to you, maybe
you shouldn't have had a vasectomy. Maybe you should have limited your
sex life to whacking off into a cup at the local sperm bank. I'm sure
you would have found it ultimately more enjoyable.
Louisiana:
Twenty years ago, my wife and two small girls dropped me off
at the clinic for a vasectomy, and they went for ice cream. When they
returned, my ice bag and I were in the waiting room. Libido is largely
between the ears. This is a character and maturity issue. I didn't do it
for her. I did it for us.
ChildFree Abby:
You got it! It is a character and maturity issue. The husband in this matter lacks both.
Texas:
Tell her to check out Natural Family Planning through The Couple
to Couple League (www.ccli.org). It's safe, reliable, natural and non-surgical.
ChildFree Abby:
So, you think that some mama's boy is going
get his self-centred head out of his ass long enough to participate in
dubiously effective "Natural Family Planning" (the "Rhythm Method" by any
other name)? Dream on. That whining sound you hear is that of some loser
complaining of "blue balls".
Camarillo, Calif.:
I had a vasectomy and have had no ill effects
whatsoever. Everything down there works just fine. You know what they
call folks who use the withdrawal method, don't you? Parents!
ChildFree Abby:
AMEN, Brother.
Massachusetts:
I had a tubal ligation in 1980. It was done on a Friday,
and I was back to work the following Monday. She should take her
reproductive situation into her own hands. The least her husband can do
is care for the children while she takes it easy for a few days.
Wisconsin:
Please tell her about "Naturalamb" condoms for those who are
allergic to latex (although they aren't recommended for protection
against HIV).
Up North:
After our third child, my wife was scared of getting pregnant
again and sex became nonexistent. After the vasectomy, our sex life was
better than ever. Just grab a couple bags of frozen peas for a day or
two, then hold on to your hat, 'cause you're gonna get some!
Hammond, Ind.: If she doesn't want more kids, SHE should have the
surgery. It's her medical problem, not his.
ChildFree Abby:
Yeah, and the man down the street suffers from
emphysema, and his wife smokes like a chimney. Why should she stop?
It's his medical problem, not hers. Whatever happened to the love and
caring that was supposed to be part of a marriage?
Naples, Italy:
Three years after my vasectomy, my wife wanted a divorce.
My second wife would like to have children, and so would I, but the
reversal has been unsuccessful.
ChildFree Abby:
Cry me a river.
Boston:
Oh, please. I had my tubes tied and was back at work within 10
days. "Southwest Sufferer" is looking for somebody to take
responsibility for her.
ChildFree Abby:
You may be right, but on the other hand, nothing
excuses her husband's lack of maturity and disregard for his wife.
Pennsylvania:
Her husband is a wimp. My wife says my vasectomy is the
greatest gift (besides our children) I ever gave her. Our sex life is
through the roof.
ChildFree Abby:
Sing it!
Illinois:
This poor wife has had seven pregnancies plus five related
operations, and her coward husband is afraid of having a vasectomy? I
had mine done in 1959. My surgeon friend did the operation in his office
with me assisting. (My first career was an embalmer.) A few minutes
after, I was walking to my car and driving home. My advice to him is to
stop getting advice from his mother.
ChildFree Abby:
Personally, I think this situation is hopeless. She
should send Oedipus back home to mommy, since she obviously comes first
anyway, and get on with her life.
Childfree Abby
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