Childfree Abby - Wake Up And Smell The Fish11 May 2005Message ID: 428229c1_1@x-privat.org
DEAR ELLIE: My live-in fiance and I were going to marry one day last year, but he postponed it because we couldn't find a witness. Afterward, when his relatives found out he's getting married again, they said he needs a prenuptial agreement. He set the date again last month. I was so excited, I ordered flowers and bought a gown. Then two weeks prior, he gave me the prenuptial agreement. I don't believe in them, but want to prove I'm not after his money. I found an attorney, but he couldn't handle it that soon. My fiance said, "No contract, no marriage!" I canceled the flowers and returned the gown. Inside, it feels like everything's falling apart. I love him even if we have so many differences and argue a lot. Or am I just a fool to believe that his intention is good? When he found out that my attorney is coaching me about the agreement, he said he won't pay the lawyer's fee, then changed his mind. Where is trust with a prenuptial agreement? -- CONFUSED DEAR CONFUSED: At least you're seeing your own lawyer. Every adult should know their own legal rights and those of the person to whom they commit in marriage. Though marriage is a confirmation of love, it's also a financial arrangement. Due to the divorce rate of one in two marriages in North America, it's no longer unusual for people to want a legal contract about how property and money are to be divided in the possible future. Trust has to come from both of you understanding what's at stake, and what each brings to the table by way of amount and intention. You need total disclosure from him, and you might want to consider your own corresponding prenuptial agreement about your future earnings.
She won't seal deal, so wedding plans fall apart
Dear Confused, Something here is starting to smell like Monday's Catch of the Day. First, he postponed the wedding because he couldn't find a witness. Excuse me, finding someone to sign a piece of paper isn't very hard unless like "Bubble Boy" he has lived his life in a vacuum without any human contact. Second, I have nothing against a prenuptial agreement. As a matter of fact, I think it is a vehicle through which both parties can be protected in the event of marital breakdown. That said, presenting it to you two weeks before the wedding, without prior discussion, then (and this is the most damning bit of all) expecting you to sign it before you had time to see legal counsel of your own so you could go over it in detail. Yea and verily, this reeketh to high heaven. I think, Confused, actions speak far louder than words, and his actions are screaming at you. He doesn't want to get married and doesn't have the testicular fortitude to tell you. My advice? Cut and run, because you won't get a straight answer out of him.
Childfree Abby
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