Childfree Abby - Are you trying for some sort of record?26 June 2005Message ID: 42beb3c4_1@x-privat.org
Dear Abby: My name is "Johnny." I am 18 and incarcerated. I was locked up last March and won't be out for another five months. I'm facing a terrible problem when I get out and I need your help. I have a girlfriend, "Brianna," who I love with all my heart and will do anything for. We have been together since I was 14. She has been with me through everything. She's now pregnant with my baby. Her cousin and her best friend are also pregnant. They all know each other is pregnant, but the cousin and friend haven't told Brianna that I'm the father. She has been asking questions, but they tell her they're "not sure." They insist that it's my place to tell her. My mother secretly pays for each of their doctor visits and everything they need, but she says she can't keep sneaking around doing this. It's killing me knowing I'll have to hurt my girlfriend. I don't want her to leave me because I love her, and she has both of my cars, my motorcycle and the house I bought. I'm afraid she will destroy them when she finds out. I'm so worried I can't sleep. Please tell me what to do. -- Johnny-in-a-Spot Dear Johnny: As I see it, you have three choices: ask to join a witness protection program, beg for an extended sentence -- or start acting like a man and take responsibility for your actions. Count on your girlfriend being upset when you tell her. That's a normal reaction to finding out the person she loved and trusted cheated on her with two other women -- her best friend and her cousin. While you're talking, suggest that she do nothing rash, because you may have to sell the cars, the motorcycle and the house to live up to your financial obligations.
Dear Dick in a Spot, Good Gad, I haven't seen a mess like yours in months. I really must appoint you the new standard bearer of asinine behaviour for adding whole new dimensions to the term "clueless". Three women, all pregnant at the same time, and you in jail, all before the age of 19. Are you trying for some sort of record? Yutz, not only have you knocked up your girlfriend (whom you claim to "love with all your heart"), you have gone out of your way to share your "love" with her best friend and her cousin. Ethical and moral considerations aside (namely because I'm damn sure that you don't know the meanings of the words) you haven't given a thought how you are going to support these three kids. However, given the fact that you have knocked up these three women and embarked on a very unsuccessful life of crime, not to mention that your main concern here is how you can keep your "girlfriend" from destroying your possessions I would hazard a guess that forethought isn't a strong point for you. Granted, I also have to express serious doubts of the sanity and the mental capacity of any woman who would choose to breed with a loser like you. However, they did not write for advice. El Producto, accept the fact that your life has changed forever. You have already hurt your girlfriend. Your house, your cars and your motorcycle are already gone or might as well be because you sure as hell won't be able to hang onto them once you get out. Allow me to help you set your priorities - your big problem now is not your love life. Your problem now is how you are going to support all those kids. If you don't, tell them not to give away your cell - you'll be back. First thing you do, though is scrape up the cash for a vasectomy before you compound the problem.
Childfree Abby
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