Childfree Abby - What is wrong with disliking children?

05 August 2005

Message ID: 11f70gf5e4hkh90@news.supernews.com

Dear Prudence,
I seriously dislike kids. I don't have many friends (by choice) because even though I tell friends that I don't like kids, they still include their kids in my life. For example, last time I had a BBQ at home, I said "no kids" on the invitation. But some people did bring their kids. Children make me nervous in my house. I am not rude when I tell people that I don't like kids. I explain the reasons (I suffer from an anxiety disorder and take daily prescribed meds), and I let them know that I don't want kids included in my activities, etc. People are fine with this, they do not get offended ... but later on they forget. I think a few kids are cute, well-mannered, well-behaved, etc., but I still don't want them in my house or my activities. How do I tell people, so they will not forget, that I don't want children in my life? I would like to keep certain friends, but sadly, I wind up terminating these friendships due to the kid problem.

—Adriana

Dear Ade,
Oh, my, you really are channeling W.C. Fields, aren't you? He famously loathed children, in case you're from a generation too young to have heard of him. You don't say how old you are, but Prudie is guessing appreciably under 50, because your friends—or would-be friends—seem to have young kids. It must be hard to live life trying to avoid youngsters. You are certainly entitled to your prejudice, but it has to be limiting for you. To be practical about it, when you give—or attend—a party you could confirm, by phone, that the festivities are for adults only. Prudie would suggest that you perhaps move to a retirement community, but you would still be exposed to grandchildren. As you must know better than anyone, it is difficult to control the world around you. Maybe consider cultivating people who are childless, or ... you might give some thought to conquering this phobia with professional help.

—Prudie, evasively

Dear Prudence
For Adults Only
When "no kids" means "no kids."
Posted Thursday, Aug. 4, 2005, at 3:42 AM PT
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Dear Adriana

It is not often that Childfree Abby disagrees with the sage advice of her esteemed counterpart, Prudie. Yea and Verily, this time Prudie has blown it, big time. Deep is the pile of shit she has doled out and great is the odour thereof.

First to address your situation: Your home is your home, your refuge and your sanctuary. You are under no obligation to have anyone or anything in your home that you do not wish to have in your home. Period. Prudie has conveniently forgotten that the rules of etiquette state that in invitation is only for people who are invited specifically. "Adults Only" means just that - Adults only.

Deep down, parents can believe that you might not to be around anyone else's children, they just can't comprehend that someone can truly not want to be around their utterly charming, cute, and well behaved offspring. Your only recourse here is to educated them - Clearly state when issuing the invitation that the event is "adults only". If they arrive with kids in tow, meet them at the door with the words "Hello, So and So, so nice to see you. I'm sure you have forgotten that this is an Adults only affair. I have not made any preparations to accommodate your children. I'm sorry you cannot stay." This requires, of course, spine on your part.

However, Prudie is right in this aspect: It might be a good idea to cultivate friends among those who do not have, or want children.

That said, Abby must deliver a double barrelled, full bore, ring-tailed slap upside the head to her esteemed counterpart.

Prudie, you are blowing a simple question of manners way, way out of proportion. The woman in question is not seeking to control the entire world as you seem to think, but rather only the environment within her own home.

Why do you treat someone who doesn't go ga-ga over children as some sort of deviant in need of professional help? I would say that is a greater indicator of your personal prejudice than that of the person in question.

Some people don't like onions, Picasso, gothic architecture or broadloom carpet. It is a simple dislike, nothing more. People don't have a problem with it. But mention that you don't like children and don't desire to be around them and people feel a need to "win you over from the Dark Side of the Force." Some people just don't like kids. Accept it. Get over it.

Childfree Abby
The ChildFree Abby Archives - http://www.dismal-light.net/childfreeabby/