Childfree Abby - Responsibility30 October 2005Message ID: 11m9q9ik84mej54@news.supernews.com
Dear Abby: I am 19, and six months pregnant by a 28-year-old man. At the time I became pregnant I had a job, but three months ago the business downsized and I was laid off. My boyfriend is in jail and will be for the next two years. He has promised that we'll be together when he gets out, but I'm not sure if I believe him. My aunt has been paying my rent for me or I would be out on the street. I'm afraid, because I don't know how I can survive and support another living person. I had considered going to college, but how can I work, go to school and take care of a baby? I don't want to have to depend on my aunt. She says I should place my baby for adoption, but I'm not sure. I took the responsibility of making this baby, so I believe it's my responsibility to face the consequences of raising it. Can you help me decide what to do? -- Scared in the Midwest
Dear Scared: A baby is supposed to be a blessing, not a "consequence." You are an intelligent young woman, and you are asking the right questions. Your aunt may have the right idea. Sit down with a pencil and paper and ask yourself, "What can I give to this baby?" Then ask yourself what a couple who wants a child but is unable to have one of their own could do for it. It is possible that the most loving gift you could give your baby is a family who would love it and provide for it in a way that you cannot.
Dear Scared, First allow me to applaud the fact that you have realized that pinning your hopes on a 28-year-old loser who will be in jail for two years is not a good idea. He is in cold storage for the next couple of years, and you don't have the luxury of waiting around for him. Not to mention the fact that someone who isn't smart enough to stay out of jail doesn't sound like terribly good husband/father material. Top marks for that one. Also, top marks for realizing the tremendous amount of work that going to college, parenting and work will be. Yes, I know that you will be deluged with "success stories" of women who have managed to do it. Yes, I know they exist, but statistically they are the minority. A single mother is far more likely to live in misery and poverty. Is this the life that you want for yourself? Now we come to your child. I agree with my esteemed counterpart that a child should not be viewed as a punishment. This will breed resentment on your part and no child should ever be subjected to that. A child should be raised by people who want it, not by someone who views it as a "consequence". Give up this child to someone who will provide it with a loving and stable home. Dump the jailbird, get on with your own life, go to school and get a career. You are only 19, and you have a lot of living yet to do. Don't let this mistake hold you back forever.
Childfree Abby
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