Childfree Abby - The S-I-L Insists05 January 2006Message ID: 11rqiiucikf2717@news.supernews.com
DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been married almost 22 years and are happily child-free. We have always lived far from our relatives and see them only every three or four years. At a recent gathering of my husband's siblings, his oldest sister (now a grandmother) was extremely aggressive in her insistence that we hold, kiss and interact with her 11-day-old grandchild (her latest). When we attempted to rebuff her with humor, saying, "Oh, we just don't do babies!" she became hostile and insulting. It made us both very uncomfortable. Because of this, we are now considering skipping any future visits because her behavior will undoubtedly be repeated. I don't want bad blood in the family. However, I refuse to be treated with disrespect. Should we confront the sister and let her know how her behavior made us feel? -- NO BABIES, PLEASE, MARLBOROUGH, MASS. DEAR NO BABIES, PLEASE: Parents and grandparents can be blind to the fact that not everyone is comfortable with small children. Your sister-in-law regarded your reluctance to hold her grandchild as a personal rejection. Please don't skip the next family reunion. With any luck, there won't be any new grandchildren to be forced on you. And if there are, smile and say, "I prefer babies at a distance, in the arms of their parents," and keep your hands at your sides.
Dear No Babies, To be very honest, I think you made your point quite succinctly. You, of course, had no control over how your sister-in-law chose to react, and it seems that she chose to take it personally. After all you did not make obeisance before the almighty grandchild so she could bask in the glory she apparently thought her due. This, of course, is her problem, not yours. But now, what to do? Well, what you really have to do is ask yourself this question "How much do you really want to see these people?" If you don't want to see these people, then simply don't go. However, If you do want to see these people and Queen Grandma the First goes into bitchy mode, simply say to her "Listen, Grandmaw, we don't have kids, we don't do kids, not yours, not anyone's, period. Suck it up. Oh, and frankly, we find this attention grabbing to be quite gauche." Then, get on with your visit, or leave, as is your choice.
Childfree Abby
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