Childfree Abby - Our Friends are Breeding19 March 2006Message ID: 121qv58essmla7e@news.supernews.com
Dear Childfree Abby, Our best "couple" friends announced on New Year's Eve that they were expecting. While I put on the ol' "Gee, isn't that great?" face, I admit I'm less than overjoyed. It's been my experience that once friends become parents, they no longer have time to be friends. My husband and I are childfree by choice, and I admit that childhood isn't my favorite stage of personhood. I'd like to stay friends with this couple, but am tired of hiding how I really feel about children and childcentric parents in general. Help!
Dear Friend, Welcome to the crossroads that most ChildFree people find themselves at some point in time or another - the paths diverge and people with whom you have had much in common and shared great times take the other fork in the road. One thing you must accept is that the relationship has now changed - how great the change will be - who knows? There are those whose lives will now revolve around the golden child to the excusion of all others. There are those who will retain some sort of perspective and balance in their lives. To be on the safe side, hope for the latter, but expect the former. One thing you can do is when they bring up some point of their children or having children is to look at them blankly and say "oh, really?" and not acknowledge it any further. Since, as it has been my observation that a lot of parenting is an extension of "Hey, look at MEEEEEEEE" and the expectation is that you will fawn all over them and their kids, they may take your total lack of interest very badly in varying degrees. The fact is, in the long run, you won't be able to hide how you feel about childcentric behaviour of all sorts. Accept the fact that your paths have diverged, and the relationship will likely cool. Wish them well, or quietly gloat as is your choice, and you may catch up with them in 18 years or so.
Childfree Abby
|