Childfree Abby - The Gift That Keeps On Giving23 March 2006Message ID: 122638ecddc6o95@news.supernews.com
DEAR ABBY: I am 22 and the mother of four beautiful children, ages 3 and under. Recently, my husband confessed that he's had several affairs while I was pregnant with our last daughter. I thought I could get over it, but it's difficult because he gave me an STD. He thinks I should forgive him and forget it. We are separated now because of this, and he wants to come home. I keep saying no because he hurt me so badly. I have started divorce proceedings, but some of my family think it's a mistake. They think because we have four kids that I need to try to work things out with him. I know I'll never be able to trust him again or forgive him. Every flare-up is a reminder. What would you do if you were me? -- STAY OR LEAVE IN MISSOURI DEAR STAY OR LEAVE: I'd shelve the divorce for a while and see if intensive marriage counseling could help to overcome your anger and disappointment. Please understand that other couples have made it past a crisis like the one you are experiencing. Your husband made a huge mistake, but he obviously wants to make amends. Only if counseling didn't work would I end the marriage.
DEAR ABBY Dear Fertilla, It is really easy for your relatives and Abby to sit there and say that you should stay in this relationship. They aren't living with an incurable STD that will blithely flare up again and again for the rest of your life. He had "several affairs" while you were pregnant with your last child. Now, given that a pregnancy only lasts 9 months, those "affairs" were of pretty short duration - more than likely these were "one-night stands" or maybe "two-night stands" and "Any Ol' Port in a Storm". It doesn't sound like he was too terribly particular where he docked. It is plainly obvious that since you have 4 children under 3 and your husband has presented you with a bouncing case of (I'll take a guess here) of herpes, the word "condom" isn't part of either of your (plural) vocabulary. And it is further obvious that your husband *can not* keep it in his pants. For all that it's worth, someone who has a history of cheating multiple times is not a good bet to stay on the straight and narrow. Here's something else for you to chew on: given his proclivities and disdain for protection, it's not unlikely that someone could turn up on your doorstep with bundle of joy #5 - just try to "forget" that. Crap, of course he wants to come home!! He has just realized that if you dump him as he so rightfully deserves, Studly will be paying child support for 4! children. This means that unless he has the income of Donald Trump, which I doubt, he will be living in his parents' garage for the next 20 years. This, of course, is going to cut down on his action. Staying together "for the sake of the children" has got to be one of the biggest fallacies around. It stands right next to "having a baby will solve our marital problems". What your kids will have are two parents who will come to despise each other. Dump the loser, get a tubal, and get on with your life.
Childfree Abby - resolutely
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