Childfree Abby - The Birthday From Hell01 April 2006Message ID: 122t2s1pqmv71b5@news.supernews.com
Dear Amy: I had a friend who has two kids (ages 2 and 3). Whenever we would go out to dinner, the daughter (2-years-old) would stand up in the chair to eat. Well, that wasn't too bad, but then both kids would run around the table (waiters would have to dodge them) and they would scream as loud as they could. My friend asked us out to dinner to celebrate the little girl's birthday, and I told her that we couldn't do that anymore. I told her that it just gets worse every time and that we couldn't enjoy our dinner. I said that we could have the celebration at her house or mine if she wanted. Now this friend won't have anything to do with my husband or me. Was I wrong? -- Dana Dear Dana: Your friend's children might be angels, but at ages 2 and 3 they're just too young to go out to dinner in any place that doesn't involve ordering out of a big plastic clown's mouth. It isn't fair to the children, the wait staff or other diners to place these kids in a situation where they aren't able to behave well. You did nothing wrong to decline this invitation and offer to host at your home instead, though you should have framed it in a way that was more about the kids' comfort and enjoyment and less about your own.
Dear Dana, I agree with my esteemed counterpart in that at ages 2 and 3 the kids are just too young to be subjected to a restaurant, and have the restaurant subjected to them. Furthermore, anyone in their right mind knows this. Kids that age want cake, ice cream and presents, not necessarily in that order. They don't want to (and can't) sit at tables, and be civilized for any extended period of time. I rather suspect that this invitation was less about "celebrating a birthday" and more about the parents getting a dinner out of the house when they can't, or more likely, won't get a sitter. For the record, you did nothing wrong, and as a matter of fact, went above and beyond by offering to host it at your house. You were even quite polite about it. However, what she did not want pointed out to her that she is totally oblivious to the fact her children run around screeching like lemurs on crack, endangering themselves, the wait staff, and annoying the other diners. She further doesn't want to hear that she is totally in capable of exerting any form of control over them. Then she took it personally, and why not? It is personal, you pointed out that she has no consideration for anyone else, be they the people she is dining with, the other people in the room or the staff - and that her children have the manners of baboons. What she wants to hear is that her children are "high spirited" and "adorable" and that everyone else shares this opinion. It comes like a shock of cold water to her that they don't. The fact that she isn't talking to you is a small loss. Stand firm. The next time she calls - if she calls - tell her to get a sitter and then you will all go out together, sans kids. If she doesn't call, que sera, sera.
Childfree Abby
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