Childfree Abby - Barging Down Denial08 April 2006Message ID: 123fjcj9h7q5m1c@news.supernews.com
DEAR ELLIE: I married my college sweetheart even though I knew he had a ferocious temper. It has been three years; he often flies off the handle for silly reasons, like if I ask to see a movie or get a haircut for our daughter. He doesn't like to go out in the evenings and I'm sick of waiting at home all day. We live where there's no public transport and I'm at his mercy. When I ask to go out, he responds, "I'm tired," or "I'm sick, how dare you ask?" I'm being beaten down psychologically, but I have no resources to help myself. I used to work, but left that after the birth of my baby, who is 18 months old, and I'm pregnant. I married him, defying my parents, and I keep telling them and myself that this is a perfect marriage, that all marriages have their ups and downs. But I'm scared that one day I'll lose all my self-esteem and self respect. We're fairly well-off, and I don't lack for anything physically, but mentally I'm in hell. Sometimes I want to kill myself. The only thing stopping me is my daughter. - LOSING IT DEAR LOSING IT: Appeal to your husband's instincts as a father: If there are moments when he feels some regrets for his behavior, suggest that for the sake of his children, who witness his outbursts, he can provide a better legacy by going to a therapist or program that deals with anger management. He also sounds depressed, so a sympathetic approach to his feeling "sick" -- such as suggesting he see a doctor and/or a counselor to find the source -- may be welcomed. Meanwhile, you must not sink to suicidal thoughts. When you feel desperate, call (800) 999-9999, a suicide hotline, and talk with a counselor. Your children need you; you have much to offer them.
Dear Loser, Let's get this straight: you married this dork, against the advice of your family, knowing full well he had an "ferocious temper". Pardon me for asking, but what the four-star flaming hell were you thinking: that he was "misunderstood" and that your "love will change him"? Then, just to be sure that you extract the maximum amount of misery from the situation - you breed with him, not only once, but twice!! And you are telling your family and yourself that you have "the perfect marriage"? Do you think if you say that enough you will come to believe it? Give your head a shake. This guy is displaying the classic symptoms of an abuser - he controls you, he browbeats you and has isolated you from just about everyone. My esteemed counterpart says "appeal to his instincts as a father". This presupposes that he actually has some, or that he actually gives a flying fornication about the situation. Facts not in evidence, turtledove. You are becoming suicidal and depressed, therefore you must save yourself. It is time to get out of this situation. Call your family and if you must, eat a little crow. You haven't said much about them other than they did not approve of the marriage and it is possible they may be the support system you need now, at least enough to get you out of the house.
Childfree Abby
|