Childfree Abby - What He Said23 April 2006Message ID: 124nmdujq5ivu22@news.supernews.com
Dear Harlan, I have been in a gay relationship for over three years. We are both educated professional men. I have known that my boyfriend had a girlfriend, but I didn't worry too much about it. I knew they did not have a sexual relationship. I was more worried about losing him to another guy. We have been getting along beautifully. My friends and family really like him. But he laid a bombshell on me when he became engaged over Christmas. I'm, of course, hurt and upset. He wants children badly. I was involved with a very nice girl at one time, and I wanted a "normal" life, but I called it off became I realized that I could not do that to her or to any kids that might come along. My friends think that his girlfriend needs to know the truth. What do you think? -- Upset Dear Upset, You and your boyfriend might have shared a bed, but you haven't shared a bed with your boyfriend and his girlfriend (I assume). Meaning, you don't know what he told his fiancée and what he didn't tell her. All you know for sure is that he told you that the relationship is over. And you have every right to be upset and hurt. As far as you know, his fiancee knows about his sexuality and doesn't feel threatened. Maybe she knows, but still wants a baby with him. Maybe she doesn't know, but they are both completely happy. It's his life and his choices. To me, you sound more like a jealous ex than a guy who's looking after the best interests of an ex and his fiancée. My advice -- try to move on.
Dear Upset, Maybe I'm just old and suspicious, but something here stinks like a three day old fish. In the first place, if you and he were as serious as you thought you were, why would he have a "girlfriend" and all that entails? Unless you actually went up to his girlfriend and said "Hi, I'm Josh. Jerry and I have been involved romantically since January 21 2003. Needless to say, we've been having sex. He says you are OK with this and that you and he aren't screwing; you have no idea what she knows and what she doesn't. I doubt that your boyfriend has been truly honest with you, honest with his fiancé, let alone, honest with himself. That, however, is not your problem, it is an issue that he, and he alone will have to deal with. He, as in not you. Regardless of what your friends think, this is not an issue where you should get your proverbial oar in the water. Frankly, I think that this issue of having children is a smoke-screen, not because I don't think he wants them, and not because I am childfree. Rather, given the current "gayby boom", if he was actually serious about his relationship with you and having children, it could be done. Yes, he was an asshole. In suddenly dropping a bombshell of that magnitude, he was both deceitful and cowardly. Gay or straight, when something like this happens it hurts like hell. Now though, is the time to take the high road, let this go, heal yourself and remember, what goes around, comes around.
Childfree Abby
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