Childfree Abby - Your Friend Is A Granola03 May 2006Message ID: 125ipql3d7frp09@news.supernews.com
Dear Annie: My friend, "Lisa," and I both gave birth to daughters seven years ago, and we both breastfed our infants. Lisa had another two children and breastfed those infants as well, but she also continued breastfeeding the others. Now her children are 7, 5 and 3, and all of them are still breastfeeding. Last month, I took my daughter over to Lisa's house to play. I was shocked when the 3-year-old walked up to his mother, pulled up her shirt, and started breastfeeding while we were sitting at the kitchen table having lunch. Later, as we sat talking in the family room, her 5-year-old son did the same thing. My chin almost hit the floor. I didn't say anything, but Lisa noticed I was uncomfortable. She said, "Breastfeeding is healthy for the children." After that, I excused myself and left with my daughter. As you can imagine, my daughter had a lot of questions on the drive home. Although she has seen relatives breastfeeding their babies, she couldn't understand what was going on in this situation. I'm not sure I understand it, either. Annie, I have no problem with breastfeeding infants, but these are walking, talking children who attend school. Am I a prude? And, if this is normal, how should I have behaved? I have not gotten together with Lisa in her home since this happened, and frankly, I'm not sure I want to. But our daughters are in the same class at school, so I am bound to see her somewhere. Tell me what to do. -- Red-Faced Friend Dear Red-Faced: While breast feeding a toddler is quite common, most children wean themselves long before the age of 7. Nursing a child that age is often more for Mom's benefit than the child's. Our concern is if Lisa is encouraging an unhealthy dependence. However, what Lisa chooses to do in her own home is her business. The friendship need not suffer. If it makes you uncomfortable, arrange to see Lisa outside her home, and have your daughters play together at your house.
Dear Red-faced, No, you are not a prude, but your friend is a granola, being both flaky and nuts. Anyone in their right mind would be uncomfortable (if not utterly revolted) in the presence of that display, no matter how your friend tries to explain it away as "good for children". The experts will agree that breast feeding is good for infants. No argument here, but the keyword here is "infants". A child who goes to school and can chow down on a burger and fries no longer fits into that category. At least two of those kids, and more likely all three of them, are long past the stage where breast feeding is of any nutritional benefit. I shudder to think of what sort of bizarre gratification she gets from this exercise. You have to ask yourself, exactly when does she plan on stopping? Her two oldest kids are already in school; does she plan to keep it up until college? Unfortunately, as pointed out by my esteemed counterpart, there really isn’t anything you can do about her "unusual" method of parenting, provided it goes on in her own home. As for what you do – don’t do anything, be polite but distant, if you can hide your revulsion, do so. If she calls, be "unavailable". If she asks why, tell her the truth: that the sight of a child who is old enough to make his/her own lunch hanging off her boob makes you want to lose yours. After all, if she doesn't want an answer, she shouldn’t ask. That is all you have to say.
Childfree Abby
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